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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Ahem.
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They're ready for you.
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Gwendolyn Harris. We've met.
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Bournemouth.
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But you don't know the others.
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No, but I'm familiar with you.
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Why do you want to be an MP?
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Because I'm not satisfied
with the way things are,
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and rather than sit back and moan
I'd prefer to do something about it.
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Go again from the top.
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I don't know why anyone's surprised
the world's number one teen idol
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has become a Scientologist.
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Speed up the autocue, please.
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Pop stars do believe in weird things.
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'Abba believed in angels.
R Kelly believed he could fly...'
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They said show you this.
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This happened just now?
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Mm-hmm.
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Gladwell?
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"Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell
resigns," - capitals -
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"over Twitter porn pics scandal."
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Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all.
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"Originally claimed
his account had been hacked,
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"resignation statement admits
inappropriate correspondence
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"with a 15-year-old girl."
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So tweeting dick photos
is correspondence now, is it?
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"Departure triggers a by-election
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"in his Stentonford and Hersham
constituency."
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Well, you get to use
the Gladwell stuff.
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Mm-hmm.
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Bump it all up to
the top of the monologue.
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Anyone seen Jamie?
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Rach?
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'You really shouldn't be
calling me any more.
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'You need to sort yourself out.'
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I am.
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'Focus on Waldo,
that's going well for you.'
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But it is not...
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'He's a hit, Jamie.'
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"He." Not me, "he".
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'Just do your show.'
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I will. I mean, hon,
if you'd just...
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Jamie?
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Jamie, hurry up.
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What do you know about
Stentonford and Hersham?
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Safe Tory seat.
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So, realistically, I know there's
not much of a chance, but...
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So, it's a stepping stone for you?
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Yes.
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Obviously, I wouldn't say
that outside of this room,
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but, well,
you want me to be honest.
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There's no point in pretending.
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Is there anything in your past that
might conceivably cause problems?
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No.
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Except...
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I did commit a series
of murders in Huddersfield
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between 1999 and 2003.
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But apart from that...
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Well, thank you, Gwendolyn.
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If you could leave via that door.
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Oh, that door?
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We like to keep
the candidates separate.
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Right, yes.
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Idiot. Idiot!
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Shamed super groomer and all-round
pillock of the community
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Jason Gladwell
has resigned as an MP,
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saying he could no longer
maintain his position.
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That position, presumably,
being hunched over
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wanking madly at school kids.
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'A pal of Gladwell said...'
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You ready?
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Uh-huh.
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How old the girl wasn't.
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That's the sort of feeble excuse
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'only a naive school kid
would swallow -
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'which, presumably, was the idea.
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'Anyway, the bad news is
he's resigned in disgrace.'
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The good news is he's now
free to pursue a full-time career
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in the disgraced paedophile
industry.
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Personally, I don't understand
why anyone's surprised...
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Um, small change to the intro.
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What?
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- Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko
gag for the monologue, so...
- That was my bit.
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- There is the Chancellor stuff,
you could use that.
- Bit politics.
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You can do politics.
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I do piss-taking.
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Go be Waldo.
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Yes, commander.
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'R Kelly believed he could fly,
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'and Michael Jackson believed
that his doctor was qualified...'
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Big ball blue bear bollocks.
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And now it's time
for our final visit
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to the world of educational
children's programming
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courtesy of everyone's favourite,
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and only occasionally inappropriate
cool kids' TV character,
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Waldo.
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Whose mum's in tonight, apparently.
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Waldo, who have you had
in your cave this week?
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Well, Conor,
in my big pink cave this week
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I had former Minister
for Culture Liam Monroe.
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Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he?
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I was hoping he'd nosh me off!
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Want to see how it panned out?
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I think we should.
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Run VT!
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Hey, everybody!
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It's Waldo time!
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Yeah!
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Cool! Cool!
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Waldo-rrific!
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Ha-ha-ha!
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Hey, kids,
my guest this week is Mr Monroe.
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Hello, Mr Monroe.
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Hello, Waldo.
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Mr Monroe is a politician.
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So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe?
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Well, a politician is someone
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who tries to make the
world a fairer place.
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Like Batman.
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Not exactly like Batman.
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Do you beat people up?
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No, I don't beat people up.
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Oh, you're a pussy then?
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Well, I'm not sure
I know exactly what...
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You don't know what pussy is?
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OK, this is clearly
some kind of joke.
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No joke, sorry, let's move on.
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Friends again?
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Oh, hello, mate, great show.
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Well done, really good.
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So, we'll bring him over.
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You go and get him,
I'll explain about...
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'Now, he comes across...'
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Jamie!
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What you want, Miss Tamsin?
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Behind me, man in glasses
talking to Jack Napier.
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- Jack freaks me out.
- Yeah, ditto,
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but he owns the company and the man he's
with is important and wants to talk to you.
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He's from the channel.
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Go on.
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- 'Honestly, all I'm saying...'
- 'Is he shy?'
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'No, all I'm saying is
he's a terrific guy...'
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Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim.
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How do you do?
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Jim, Jack, James.
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Jamie.
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Jim was just talking about Waldo.
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Yeah. Liam Monroe
has lodged a complaint.
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Toys out the pram.
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And that's...?
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Good press.
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It's so tough to get
a breakthrough these days,
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but when it does,
well, it's just fantastic.
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It's fantastic the way Waldo puts
the piss up Monroe.
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You know, all those twats,
it's punk, it's... it's...
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'Jack?'
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Excuse me.
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Well, Twitter can't get
enough of Waldo, loves him.
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Look, I know the show's
coming back again next year,
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but we want to see more of Waldo.
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They want to do a pilot.
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A Waldo pilot?
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Yeah. I mean, how does that sound?
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Yeah. Sounds good.
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Sounds stormin' Norman,
fucking stormin'.
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Going to give it to 'em.
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But look, we can't do sketches
without Waldo.
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It's a Waldo pilot,
it's a Waldo show,
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it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
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Realistically, there isn't
the budget for other animations.
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I mean live action,
other characters I can do.
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What about the Brown Knight?
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What, the crap crusader?
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We can look into the Brown Knight.
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But right now
let's find more Waldo ideas.
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The problem is, any guests
we book will be in on it.
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They know that Waldo's a joke,
the surprise is gone.
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So, we think round that.
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Hey, boys and girls!
It's Waldo time!
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Yeah! Ha-ha!
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He's awesome, isn't he?
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I mean, look - sod name in lights,
you're an app now, my brother.
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All right, Sara? How's the
think tanking going, good shit?
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Um, yeah, yeah,
we're making headway.
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Good.
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I see our friend Monroe
is in the news again,
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running in
the Stentonford by-election.
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We should get Waldo down there.
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00:08:51,049 --> 00:08:53,287
Hey, that's not a bad idea,
actually.
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We get a van with a screen with
the image of Waldo on the side.
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Like it.
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00:08:57,689 --> 00:08:59,927
And then, when Monroe's
doing a meet and greet,
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we just turn up
and just get under his skin.
195
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,047
I love that, I love it.
196
00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:03,887
We've done Monroe.
197
00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:05,266
But it was a great bit.
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00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:07,786
I'm not dumb or clever enough
to be political...
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00:09:07,787 --> 00:09:11,146
Why don't we get Waldo
to stand for the by-election?
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00:09:11,147 --> 00:09:13,466
- Get people to vote for him?
- He's not real.
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00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,946
But people have stood as
fictional characters before.
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00:09:15,947 --> 00:09:18,266
Do you think Screaming
Lord Sutch was his real name?
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00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,546
We just put "commonly known as"
on the ballot.
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00:09:20,547 --> 00:09:22,846
No-one's actually going to vote
for him, that's not the point.
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00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:26,019
The point is, we get to hang around,
we're there for the count.
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00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:28,701
Well, go on then, Sara,
whack it up there.
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00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,783
'He's with a mum and baby group.'
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00:09:47,784 --> 00:09:51,463
OK. Going live
in five... four... three two...
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00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:54,142
'Thank you so much
for joining me this morning.'
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00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:55,782
It's been incredibly informative
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00:09:55,783 --> 00:09:58,984
and I think we should have a little
round of applause for the children,
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00:09:58,985 --> 00:10:00,943
who were fantastic.
213
00:10:00,944 --> 00:10:03,463
Thank you, Naomi.
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00:10:03,464 --> 00:10:05,344
Thank you for your time.
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00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:09,783
Hey!
216
00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:12,343
Hey, it's me Waldo.
217
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,783
Oh. I like your trainers, man!
218
00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:17,302
I'd wear trainers myself
but I can't cos I haven't got feet.
219
00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:18,344
I've got stumps.
220
00:10:19,824 --> 00:10:20,623
He's out.
221
00:10:20,624 --> 00:10:22,703
Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe.
222
00:10:22,704 --> 00:10:24,822
Hey! Did you get off with
any of the mums?
223
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:26,944
Where'd you look while
they were breastfeeding?
224
00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:29,423
They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe!
225
00:10:29,424 --> 00:10:31,183
He said it!
226
00:10:31,184 --> 00:10:33,623
Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me!
227
00:10:33,624 --> 00:10:35,542
- I'm sorry about this, Liam.
- Hey, I'm being snubbed!
228
00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:38,262
Hey, don't ignore me.
Don't just get in your car.
229
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,502
It's a death trap anyway,
look at it!
230
00:10:40,503 --> 00:10:42,544
Let's find out what we can about
the idiot inside that thing.
231
00:10:42,545 --> 00:10:43,544
Sure.
232
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,544
Mr Monroe. Oi!
233
00:10:49,744 --> 00:10:51,943
'Stentonford Labour Party.'
234
00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:53,864
Right, you've got
a choice of styles,
235
00:10:53,865 --> 00:10:59,183
so just choose one from there.
Then you put your name in there.
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00:10:59,184 --> 00:11:00,864
This is like bloody Moonpig.
237
00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:03,864
Don't knock the free mail out.
238
00:11:06,024 --> 00:11:08,904
Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some
Fisher-Price leaflet app.
239
00:11:08,905 --> 00:11:10,424
He doesn't have to.
240
00:11:16,304 --> 00:11:19,102
Day one of the campaign
in Stentonford and Hersham,
241
00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:21,942
and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe
hits the ground running.
242
00:11:21,943 --> 00:11:24,822
The license fee is something
that's very close to my heart...
243
00:11:24,823 --> 00:11:27,224
'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh!
Look at me Mr Monroe, please!'
244
00:11:27,225 --> 00:11:29,823
Hey, over here! Hey, over here...
245
00:11:29,824 --> 00:11:31,823
Look over here, Mr Monroe...
246
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:33,622
The Conservative Party
have been, er...
247
00:11:33,623 --> 00:11:37,222
Have been arguing for a reduction
of the license fee for...
248
00:11:37,223 --> 00:11:39,182
- Good morning, everybody.
- Pardon?
249
00:11:39,183 --> 00:11:40,624
Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
250
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:41,863
I beg your pardon.
251
00:11:41,864 --> 00:11:43,943
I'm sorry. It's rather loud.
252
00:11:43,944 --> 00:11:45,462
We have argued for a further
reduction in the license fee...
253
00:11:45,463 --> 00:11:47,382
Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me?
254
00:11:47,383 --> 00:11:49,182
Mum with a pushchair -
drag her into it.
255
00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:50,624
Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair.
256
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:54,623
Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe
why he's ignoring me.
257
00:11:54,624 --> 00:11:56,863
Why are you ignoring Waldo?
258
00:11:56,864 --> 00:12:00,263
'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo
done to you?'
259
00:12:00,264 --> 00:12:03,824
We should probably just shift
before this turns stupid.
260
00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:07,144
I'm not walking away from a cartoon.
261
00:12:08,984 --> 00:12:10,743
'I'm not ignoring you.'
262
00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:12,943
Yeah, you were, you upset me.
263
00:12:12,944 --> 00:12:15,063
You made Waldo sad.
264
00:12:15,064 --> 00:12:18,584
Wa-a-a-a-a-a-ah.
265
00:12:20,264 --> 00:12:23,944
Well, obviously, I'm absolutely
devastated that you're upset...
266
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,144
WA-A-A-A-A-A-A...
267
00:12:28,464 --> 00:12:31,304
Let him get a word in.
268
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:36,063
I'm not ignoring you
because there is no you.
269
00:12:36,064 --> 00:12:38,903
You are an image voiced
by a comedian -
270
00:12:38,904 --> 00:12:40,782
an alleged comedian,
more accurately.
271
00:12:40,783 --> 00:12:42,902
If I'm not real,
why you talking to him?
272
00:12:42,903 --> 00:12:44,864
And by "him" I mean me, knobber!
273
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,744
There's no point in attempting
to converse with a cartoon.
274
00:12:49,745 --> 00:12:52,543
Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship!
275
00:12:52,544 --> 00:12:55,944
Thy flowery language doth give
me a right throbbing bone-on!
276
00:12:55,945 --> 00:12:57,704
Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh!
277
00:12:59,224 --> 00:13:01,103
Uh-er-ha-ha!
278
00:13:01,104 --> 00:13:03,223
Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh!
279
00:13:03,224 --> 00:13:06,783
Uh-uh-uh-oh! Huh!
280
00:13:06,784 --> 00:13:08,184
Finished.
281
00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,303
Drink?
282
00:13:17,304 --> 00:13:18,904
I've got e-mails.
283
00:13:25,424 --> 00:13:28,503
You know that's Gwendolyn Harris?
284
00:13:28,504 --> 00:13:29,784
The Labour candidate.
285
00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:33,384
Did you read my background doc?
286
00:13:33,385 --> 00:13:34,544
Yes.
287
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:38,584
Why don't you read it tonight? Alone.
288
00:13:48,224 --> 00:13:51,424
I'll swing by about nine,
so have your breakfast first...
289
00:13:51,425 --> 00:13:53,463
Are you my dad?
290
00:13:53,464 --> 00:13:56,384
Apparently not. See you tomorrow.
291
00:13:58,184 --> 00:14:01,422
'..Waldo the bear left
Monroe in stunned silence.
292
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,942
'The colourful Waldo
launched his own campaign
293
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:06,784
'in typically loud and
crowd-pleasing style...'
294
00:14:10,024 --> 00:14:12,064
Someone's bold? Do I know you?
295
00:14:12,065 --> 00:14:14,423
Nice way to greet a voter...
296
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:16,383
Sorry, I thought you were...
297
00:14:16,384 --> 00:14:19,383
Actually, I'm more of a rival.
298
00:14:19,384 --> 00:14:22,942
"Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why
are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?"
299
00:14:22,943 --> 00:14:24,182
You're good at that!
300
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:25,302
Because I am that.
301
00:14:25,303 --> 00:14:26,424
What? You're that thing?
302
00:14:26,425 --> 00:14:29,783
Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear.
303
00:14:29,784 --> 00:14:34,143
Liam Monroe calls him worse.
Nice work there, by the way.
304
00:14:34,144 --> 00:14:37,664
Yeah, well. It's dick jokes
at his expense basically.
305
00:14:37,665 --> 00:14:38,783
Another one?
306
00:14:38,784 --> 00:14:40,224
OK. One.
307
00:14:44,424 --> 00:14:47,624
The way you describe it, it's like
you're doing this for a showreel...
308
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:48,663
No...
309
00:14:48,664 --> 00:14:51,384
like this place is the equivalent
of a walk-on in a sketch show...
310
00:14:51,385 --> 00:14:52,423
Shh!
311
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,802
But your party leader has to show
up because it's a... mid-thing...
312
00:14:54,891 --> 00:14:56,090
Midterm by-election.
313
00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:57,132
Terminology tits.
314
00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:58,331
You are 12!
315
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,290
So because leaderballs is there,
316
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:03,330
suddenly it's walk-on
in a Ricky Gervais sketch show
317
00:15:03,331 --> 00:15:04,690
so it's good exposure.
318
00:15:04,691 --> 00:15:07,210
- You're not going to win, you know
you're not going to win...
- Come on, shh.
319
00:15:07,211 --> 00:15:09,252
You're not going to win though.
320
00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:10,291
Of course not.
321
00:15:10,292 --> 00:15:11,490
So, why not be honest?
322
00:15:11,491 --> 00:15:13,530
Say, "You arseholes aren't
going to vote for me,
323
00:15:13,531 --> 00:15:14,970
"so here's what I think anyway."?
324
00:15:14,971 --> 00:15:18,412
- It doesn't work like that.
- Nothing does, that's why
everything's bollocksed.
325
00:15:18,413 --> 00:15:21,611
You're angry, for someone
who's doing well.
326
00:15:21,612 --> 00:15:25,531
I'm the voice of a blue bear...
327
00:15:25,532 --> 00:15:28,292
if that's, "doing well,"
then we are doomed!
328
00:15:32,412 --> 00:15:33,491
I can't see!
329
00:15:33,492 --> 00:15:35,012
Hang on, there's a thing.
330
00:15:38,292 --> 00:15:41,892
Have you had a fox in here or do you
live like a 14-year-old?
331
00:15:46,332 --> 00:15:48,532
Well, don't get too excited,
I'm not sleeping in it.
332
00:15:48,533 --> 00:15:49,892
Shit, really?
333
00:16:06,772 --> 00:16:07,811
You're amazing.
334
00:16:07,812 --> 00:16:08,971
Sorry?
335
00:16:08,972 --> 00:16:10,811
You're amazing?
336
00:16:10,812 --> 00:16:12,452
Oh, thank you!
337
00:16:36,172 --> 00:16:37,851
What's up?
338
00:16:37,852 --> 00:16:39,411
Nothing.
339
00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:40,732
Are you sure?
340
00:16:45,732 --> 00:16:47,172
It's just...
341
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:53,892
I haven't been happy in a while...
342
00:16:55,892 --> 00:16:58,691
and this is good, you know?
343
00:16:58,692 --> 00:16:59,732
Hm.
344
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:12,732
Can I... have your number?
345
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:18,172
Yes!
346
00:17:35,372 --> 00:17:37,092
Where's our mark this morning?
347
00:17:37,093 --> 00:17:38,611
We're out on the road.
348
00:17:38,612 --> 00:17:40,732
Ooh... bien sur.
349
00:17:44,252 --> 00:17:52,011
Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe.
Vote for me and keep things shitty.
350
00:17:52,012 --> 00:17:54,092
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
351
00:18:15,532 --> 00:18:22,372
Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo!
352
00:18:25,092 --> 00:18:26,692
'You're right. Strong Tory.'
353
00:18:26,693 --> 00:18:27,971
'I warned you.'
354
00:18:27,972 --> 00:18:31,572
You know you're on Monroe turf
when they live so far apart.
355
00:18:33,452 --> 00:18:35,012
I'm voting Waldo!
356
00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:40,971
I met Waldo last night.
357
00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:42,892
Jamie, the guy who plays him.
358
00:18:42,893 --> 00:18:44,011
He's fun.
359
00:18:44,012 --> 00:18:45,611
Fun?
360
00:18:45,612 --> 00:18:46,652
Mmm-hmm.
361
00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:51,212
Did you tell him anything
about our campaign?
362
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,771
Not really.
363
00:18:52,772 --> 00:18:54,412
Not really or no?
364
00:18:55,932 --> 00:18:57,172
Er, not really.
365
00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:59,335
Look, he's OK.
366
00:18:59,336 --> 00:19:00,535
He's a comedian -
367
00:19:00,536 --> 00:19:02,976
he's mocking Monroe now,
it'll be you next.
368
00:19:05,016 --> 00:19:07,935
His act is all f-this
and penis jokes.
369
00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:09,015
But...
370
00:19:09,016 --> 00:19:10,896
Don't see him again.
371
00:19:17,576 --> 00:19:20,576
OK. Job done till
the husting tomorrow.
372
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:24,694
Some media students doing
a Question Time type thing.
373
00:19:24,695 --> 00:19:26,694
They've asked Waldo
to join the panel.
374
00:19:26,695 --> 00:19:29,774
Oh, come on. It's my nightmare,
going on Question Time.
375
00:19:29,775 --> 00:19:31,014
It's students, you'll walk it.
376
00:19:31,015 --> 00:19:32,774
I can't answer
serious questions...
377
00:19:32,775 --> 00:19:36,016
No-one wants you to!
You're the comic relief, lighten up.
378
00:19:47,696 --> 00:19:51,536
Erm, just have a look. I'm sure
you'll find lots in there...
379
00:19:54,056 --> 00:19:59,336
Are there any particular issues that
you're concerned about at all?
380
00:20:14,816 --> 00:20:16,055
Hey.
381
00:20:16,056 --> 00:20:17,095
Oh, hi.
382
00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:19,294
- I thought we were going to...?
- Sorry - I've had a tough day...
383
00:20:19,295 --> 00:20:20,536
Right. Not even one?
384
00:20:20,537 --> 00:20:22,175
Sorry.
385
00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:23,736
Well, what about tomorrow?
386
00:20:25,176 --> 00:20:27,776
- Look, I can't, when this is happening,
I can't see you.
- What do you mean?
387
00:20:27,777 --> 00:20:28,896
I'm sorry.
388
00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:43,958
Do they think that
looks like Question Time?
389
00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:45,998
Yeah. It looks politicsy.
390
00:20:47,518 --> 00:20:49,437
Check the host.
391
00:20:49,442 --> 00:20:50,602
Jailbait Dimbleby.
392
00:20:58,162 --> 00:21:02,322
When it comes to addiction
and addicts, we should sympathise,
393
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,520
but we shouldn't patronise.
394
00:21:04,521 --> 00:21:07,919
You know, serious drug use is
a criminal of fence, that is
395
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,521
committed voluntarily
and for pleasure...
396
00:21:11,721 --> 00:21:14,039
Look, I'm sorry, these are the
facts.
397
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,399
Waldo, what do you think?
398
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,041
Mr Monroe, are you addicted?
399
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,760
No.
400
00:21:18,761 --> 00:21:20,681
Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead?
401
00:21:23,481 --> 00:21:24,999
I think we have to ask ourselves...
402
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,479
I think we have to ask ourselves,
what is this for?
403
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,401
And why do we waste our time with
animated trivialities like him?
404
00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:35,240
I mean why?
405
00:21:35,241 --> 00:21:36,400
Why? I mean why?
406
00:21:36,401 --> 00:21:38,400
I mean why? I mean why?
407
00:21:38,401 --> 00:21:39,919
I mean why? I mean why?
408
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,399
This is just the kind of thing...
rather than see you laugh...
409
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,959
They laugh at you, Limbo.
410
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,439
You laugh, you're laughing
at someone who won't engage.
411
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,761
Who is scared to engage, who
hides behind a children's cartoon.
412
00:21:51,762 --> 00:21:54,560
Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool?
413
00:21:54,561 --> 00:21:59,400
I'm... I'm... I'm
speaking about James Salter.
414
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:00,681
Hm?
415
00:22:02,161 --> 00:22:04,440
Don't worry about it.
416
00:22:04,441 --> 00:22:06,520
That's your name, isn't it?
417
00:22:06,521 --> 00:22:09,041
James Salter, this is the man
who's behind all this.
418
00:22:09,042 --> 00:22:11,960
He's 33 years old,
419
00:22:11,961 --> 00:22:15,799
a man whose career can be summed up
surprisingly quickly.
420
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,319
You were in a sketch troupe
421
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,719
that enjoyed minor success about
six years ago,
422
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,799
and the others moved on to
better things,
423
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,559
but your main achievement seems to
have been playing
424
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,239
the part of a corn on the cob
425
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:29,241
in a high-interest personal
loan commercial.
426
00:22:30,681 --> 00:22:32,559
I notice you keep that
pretty quiet.
427
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,719
And now of course operating
this sort of teddy bear thing.
428
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,561
Which by the way is easier than it
looks. Anyone could do it.
429
00:22:38,562 --> 00:22:45,040
See, this is... this is the thing.
It's easy, what he does.
430
00:22:45,041 --> 00:22:46,560
He mocks.
431
00:22:46,561 --> 00:22:49,079
And when he can't
think of an authentic joke,
432
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,881
which is actually quite often,
he just swears.
433
00:22:52,881 --> 00:22:56,999
I think that this puppet's
inclusion on this panel debases the
434
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:01,079
process of debate, and smothers any
meaningful discussion of the issues.
435
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:05,679
So I return to my original question,
is that really what this is for?
436
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,761
He has nothing to offer
and he has nothing to say.
437
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:11,560
Prove me wrong. Hm?
438
00:23:11,561 --> 00:23:13,640
Speak, Waldo.
439
00:23:13,641 --> 00:23:17,841
Please. Come on. Speak up.
440
00:23:21,001 --> 00:23:23,280
There you see, nothing.
441
00:23:23,281 --> 00:23:24,521
Oh, go fuck yourself.
442
00:23:26,641 --> 00:23:28,400
It's more swearing.
443
00:23:28,401 --> 00:23:29,680
You're a joke.
444
00:23:29,681 --> 00:23:30,959
You look less human than I do
445
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,121
and I'm a made-up bear with
a turquoise cock.
446
00:23:36,401 --> 00:23:40,440
What are you? You're just an old
attitude with new hair.
447
00:23:40,441 --> 00:23:43,359
Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously?
448
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,719
No-one takes you seriously,
that's why no-one votes.
449
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,039
The vast majority do vote.
450
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:47,879
It's bullshit.
451
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,199
Surely this is enough?
452
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,799
You think you deserve respect.
453
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:51,879
Just common courtesy.
454
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,359
Because you went to public school
455
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:55,519
and believed you were
entitled to everything.
456
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,639
- Perhaps we could get back...
- Ad hominem nonsense...
457
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:58,719
Gwendolyn Harris...
458
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,839
Something's got to change. No-one
trusts you lot cos they know
459
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,519
you don't give a shit about anything
outside your bubble.
460
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,239
What about your mate Gladwell,
the kiddy-flasher?
461
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,039
You knew him for 20 years,
did you not know what he was like?
462
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,121
No, of course not.
463
00:24:11,122 --> 00:24:15,520
Yeah, cos you're all just front,
like him, sly and pretending,
464
00:24:15,521 --> 00:24:17,521
and in that way you're all the same.
465
00:24:17,522 --> 00:24:22,320
Gwendolyn Harris,
is all of politics a waste of time?
466
00:24:22,321 --> 00:24:24,800
Well, of course I think no...
467
00:24:24,801 --> 00:24:27,760
Oh, shut up, you're worse!
468
00:24:27,761 --> 00:24:29,639
Seriously, she's faker than him.
469
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,719
- For once I agree with Liam Monroe
in that this...
- Are you going to win?
470
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,919
Doesn't get us anywhere and
there's no point in us continuing...
471
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:37,399
Tell them why you're here.
472
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:38,921
If we can't have anything
resembling a deba...
473
00:24:38,922 --> 00:24:40,961
Tell them why you're here.
474
00:24:44,121 --> 00:24:46,240
She's here to build a showreel.
475
00:24:46,241 --> 00:24:48,799
I'm not kidding, that's literally
it.
476
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,041
Knows she's not going to win.
This is all experience,
477
00:24:51,042 --> 00:24:52,320
to get on telly.
478
00:24:52,321 --> 00:24:54,919
She actually gives less of a shit
about anyone round here than
479
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,321
he does, because he'll actually
have to represent you.
480
00:24:57,322 --> 00:24:58,520
Am I wrong?
481
00:24:58,521 --> 00:25:02,520
A career politician.
Someone else less real than me,
482
00:25:02,521 --> 00:25:03,801
and I can do this.
483
00:25:08,001 --> 00:25:09,881
Can I just make
a couple of points?
484
00:25:09,882 --> 00:25:11,600
Oh, shut up, you pebble.
485
00:25:11,601 --> 00:25:14,319
What is this for? That's what you
wanted to know, Mr Monroe.
486
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,321
And the truth is, none of us
know any more, thanks to you.
487
00:25:17,322 --> 00:25:20,520
What are you for? What are you for?
488
00:25:20,521 --> 00:25:22,321
Thank you and goodnight.
489
00:26:13,081 --> 00:26:15,041
Jamie.
490
00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:18,001
Jamie?
491
00:26:19,641 --> 00:26:21,961
Jack's here. He wants to see us.
492
00:26:23,361 --> 00:26:24,441
You can't avoid it.
493
00:26:29,801 --> 00:26:33,081
Get dressed, he'll meet us outside.
494
00:26:47,481 --> 00:26:49,641
'And yet accusations of vapidity
aside,
495
00:26:49,642 --> 00:26:51,960
'it's clearly tapped a nerve.
496
00:26:51,961 --> 00:26:54,719
'In just three days, Waldo has gone
viral.
497
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,639
'The video of his clash has already
been viewed over a million times
498
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,961
'on YouTube. There are Facebook
groups calling on Waldo
499
00:27:01,962 --> 00:27:04,760
'to form a national party.'
500
00:27:04,761 --> 00:27:06,480
'You're a joke.
501
00:27:06,481 --> 00:27:09,519
'You look less human than I do
and I'm a made-up bear with
502
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,719
'a turquoise (BLEEP) What are you?
503
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,399
'You're just an old attitude
with new hair.
504
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,361
'Assuming you're my superior because
I'm not taking you seriously.
505
00:27:18,362 --> 00:27:21,161
'No-one takes you (BLEEP)
seriously.'
506
00:27:29,361 --> 00:27:31,559
Oh, look, here
he is the man of the moment!
507
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,281
How does it feel to be a phenomenon?
508
00:27:33,282 --> 00:27:34,281
Shitifying.
509
00:27:35,801 --> 00:27:37,399
You are everywhere, my son.
510
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,521
Twitter, the news...
Have you seen the poll?
511
00:27:39,522 --> 00:27:41,720
You're in third place, mate.
512
00:27:41,721 --> 00:27:43,359
You overtook that Lib Dem prick...
513
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,001
- Yeah, well, he's a glass of water.
- This is an opportunity, Jamie.
514
00:27:46,002 --> 00:27:48,040
He knows my name now.
515
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:49,839
We could really do something here.
516
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,199
You know, everyone's pissed
with the status quo.
517
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,041
And Waldo gives that a voice.
518
00:27:54,042 --> 00:27:56,800
Waldo's a bear. A blue bear.
519
00:27:56,801 --> 00:27:58,400
Tell him, Tams.
520
00:27:58,401 --> 00:28:00,640
We've been asked on Consensus.
521
00:28:00,641 --> 00:28:04,041
It's a ten-minute one-to-one
interview with Phillip Crane.
522
00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:05,160
Pitbull Crane?
523
00:28:05,161 --> 00:28:06,239
Big guns for big guns.
524
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,519
Hello? I'm not a politician, OK?
I don't want to be a politician.
525
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,879
We know that you hate politics.
526
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,439
I don't hate them,
I'm just not interested in them.
527
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,159
You don't need to be
interested in them.
528
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,481
You just need to be Waldo.
529
00:28:17,921 --> 00:28:21,401
And when Crane asks something tricky and I look
stupid because I don't know how to answer?
530
00:28:21,402 --> 00:28:23,480
You'll know the answer.
531
00:28:23,481 --> 00:28:25,241
Because you have a producer.
532
00:28:25,242 --> 00:28:28,720
Look, I can tell you what to say.
533
00:28:28,721 --> 00:28:31,639
I can live Google any facts,
give you stats, quotes,
534
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:32,679
whatever else you need.
535
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:34,919
So you've got a safety
net for the concrete stuff
536
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,481
and the rest is Waldo
and you can do that in your sleep.
537
00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:39,520
You'll piss all over Crane.
538
00:28:39,521 --> 00:28:41,599
He'll know there's a team around me,
he'll see it.
539
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:44,199
Yeah good. I hope he does.
I hope he points a camera at it.
540
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,281
All the other MPs have got teams,
we're just more honest about it.
541
00:28:47,282 --> 00:28:49,721
Now come on. What d'you say? Eh?
542
00:28:52,782 --> 00:28:54,181
Jamie! Jamie!
543
00:28:54,182 --> 00:28:55,420
Why would I want to do this?
544
00:28:55,421 --> 00:28:58,460
Look, the world is knackered
and you can do something about it.
545
00:28:58,461 --> 00:28:59,940
I don't know what you're on about.
546
00:28:59,941 --> 00:29:02,860
Waldo has got the attention
of the young, and the young don't
547
00:29:02,861 --> 00:29:05,860
give a shit about anything
except trainers and pirating films.
548
00:29:05,861 --> 00:29:08,620
Do you have any other astounding
theories about young people?
549
00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:12,220
Yeah, yeah I do actually.
Look, they care about Waldo.
550
00:29:12,221 --> 00:29:13,580
They'll vote for Waldo.
551
00:29:13,581 --> 00:29:15,060
The video was a hit for a reason.
552
00:29:15,061 --> 00:29:17,380
The video's embarrassing.
I'm embarrassed by it.
553
00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:19,300
I was lashing out.
I wasn't even articulate -
554
00:29:19,301 --> 00:29:21,500
Doesn't matter.
Or funny, which is almost worse.
555
00:29:21,501 --> 00:29:22,780
We can build on that.
556
00:29:22,781 --> 00:29:23,860
Waldo's not real.
557
00:29:23,861 --> 00:29:27,660
Exactly! That's what you said that
really hit home. He's not real,
558
00:29:27,661 --> 00:29:29,220
but he's realer than all the others.
559
00:29:29,221 --> 00:29:30,900
He doesn't stand for anything.
560
00:29:30,901 --> 00:29:33,342
Yeah, well, at least
he doesn't pretend to.
561
00:29:33,343 --> 00:29:35,861
Look we... we don't need politicians,
562
00:29:35,862 --> 00:29:38,700
we've all got iPhones
and computers, right?
563
00:29:38,701 --> 00:29:42,260
So any decision that has to be made,
any policy, we just put it online.
564
00:29:42,261 --> 00:29:46,020
Let the people vote thumbs up,
thumbs down, the majority wins.
565
00:29:46,021 --> 00:29:48,900
That's a democracy. That's a...
that's an actual democracy.
566
00:29:48,901 --> 00:29:51,900
So's YouTube and I don't know
if you've seen it but the most
567
00:29:51,901 --> 00:29:55,942
popular video is a dog farting
the theme tune to Happy Days.
568
00:29:58,022 --> 00:29:59,861
Well, today it's Waldo.
569
00:29:59,862 --> 00:30:02,541
No. It's still the dog.
570
00:30:02,542 --> 00:30:05,180
Listen, can you imagine all
the things we can change
571
00:30:05,181 --> 00:30:07,220
if we fuck the politicians
out the equation?
572
00:30:07,221 --> 00:30:09,742
I've said what I've said
and now I'm shutting this door.
573
00:30:15,742 --> 00:30:17,781
Do you know who owns Waldo?
574
00:30:17,782 --> 00:30:18,982
I do, I own the rights.
575
00:30:21,542 --> 00:30:22,821
He's my character.
576
00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:24,462
Yeah, written for my show.
577
00:30:25,502 --> 00:30:30,221
You're too frightened to take to
the next level. Fine. I understand.
578
00:30:30,222 --> 00:30:32,101
But also, fuck off!
579
00:30:32,102 --> 00:30:33,062
And watch me fly.
580
00:30:33,063 --> 00:30:35,502
You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo.
581
00:30:38,182 --> 00:30:41,742
Eh, Jamie, Jamie,
Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh?
582
00:30:43,902 --> 00:30:45,182
Pretty close, I'd say.
583
00:30:50,852 --> 00:30:53,051
What's happenin'? Ahh!
584
00:30:53,058 --> 00:30:56,777
Waldorific, yeah! Yeah!
585
00:30:56,778 --> 00:30:58,136
Why is it going off left again?
586
00:30:58,137 --> 00:30:58,856
Because the...
587
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,218
- I know! I've got my...
- Put your thumb in the white thing.
588
00:31:01,219 --> 00:31:03,137
I got that. In there? OK.
589
00:31:03,138 --> 00:31:04,818
That's not how that works.
590
00:31:13,778 --> 00:31:18,137
First tonight, a figure -
or more accurately a character -
591
00:31:18,138 --> 00:31:21,776
who's been causing an upset
in the Stentonford by-election.
592
00:31:21,777 --> 00:31:25,136
Unlike the other candidates,
he has no party affiliation.
593
00:31:25,137 --> 00:31:27,016
He doesn't even have a surname.
594
00:31:27,017 --> 00:31:31,418
He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just
a cult character in a comedy show.
595
00:31:31,419 --> 00:31:35,057
Today, an official
mascot for protest voters.
596
00:31:35,058 --> 00:31:36,217
Vote Waldo.
597
00:31:36,218 --> 00:31:39,576
Cartoons don't play by the rules
and Waldo's open disdain
598
00:31:39,577 --> 00:31:42,378
for his opponents
has clearly struck a chord.
599
00:31:45,018 --> 00:31:47,696
Waldo, as a mascot
for the disenfranchised, aren't you
600
00:31:47,697 --> 00:31:50,938
ultimately neutralizing seriously
effective dissent?
601
00:31:52,138 --> 00:31:54,056
Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane,
please?
602
00:31:54,057 --> 00:31:57,496
By encouraging people not to care,
you're actively dangerous.
603
00:31:57,497 --> 00:31:59,498
Dangerous? You think
the public can't be trusted?
604
00:31:59,499 --> 00:32:00,577
No.
605
00:32:00,578 --> 00:32:02,058
Isn't that basically you
calling them twats?
606
00:32:02,059 --> 00:32:03,057
No, I...
607
00:32:03,058 --> 00:32:04,137
Bell-ends then?
608
00:32:04,138 --> 00:32:05,736
Did you come for a discussion
or...
609
00:32:05,737 --> 00:32:08,936
You're snooty for a glorified
Punch And Judy man, Phil.
610
00:32:08,937 --> 00:32:11,776
You know you're gonna get your best
ratings in months cos I'm here.
611
00:32:11,777 --> 00:32:14,576
To even get close to the figures
I'm gonna pull in for you tonight,
612
00:32:14,577 --> 00:32:17,416
you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich
live on air.
613
00:32:17,417 --> 00:32:19,056
Make a nice prawn cocktail.
614
00:32:19,057 --> 00:32:21,216
Could we make a serious
political point that is...
615
00:32:21,217 --> 00:32:23,136
I've got one big blue point
to make, fool.
616
00:32:23,137 --> 00:32:25,016
- Would you like to have a look at it?
- Oh, God. Thank you.
617
00:32:25,017 --> 00:32:27,776
Great work tonight. Look at... Look
at this, look at this.
618
00:32:27,777 --> 00:32:30,936
It's The Waldo polling app.
Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS
619
00:32:30,937 --> 00:32:32,776
so that when you're at a polling
station,
620
00:32:32,777 --> 00:32:34,338
it unlocks loads of free shit, look.
621
00:32:34,339 --> 00:32:38,337
Thanks for voting, dickhead!
622
00:32:38,338 --> 00:32:39,496
It's good, isn't it?
623
00:32:39,497 --> 00:32:40,936
Who's this guy we're meeting?
624
00:32:40,937 --> 00:32:44,858
I dunno. But he's from Washington
and he's got my restricted number.
625
00:32:48,218 --> 00:32:50,937
Jeff Carter, from the agency.
626
00:32:50,938 --> 00:32:51,577
Hey. Hey.
627
00:32:51,578 --> 00:32:52,856
And I'll leap right in.
628
00:32:52,857 --> 00:32:55,458
I think what you're doing
with Waldo is fascinating.
629
00:32:55,459 --> 00:32:56,777
From "the agency"?
630
00:32:56,778 --> 00:33:00,458
Yeah, listen. Waldo may be
the perfect political figurehead.
631
00:33:00,459 --> 00:33:01,937
Waldo The Bear.
632
00:33:01,938 --> 00:33:04,976
The bear, people like.
The fact he's a bear is an assist.
633
00:33:04,977 --> 00:33:06,496
- An assist?
- It helps.
634
00:33:06,497 --> 00:33:08,736
Right. You look at human
politicians,
635
00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:11,576
you're instinctively like,
"brrrr" - uncanny, right?
636
00:33:11,577 --> 00:33:12,776
Like the girls in porn.
637
00:33:12,777 --> 00:33:15,296
You know something's wrong,
cos why else are they doing it?
638
00:33:15,297 --> 00:33:16,976
It's usually daddy issues, eh?
639
00:33:16,977 --> 00:33:19,296
Just like politics.
Waldo bypasses that.
640
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:21,778
You already know he's not real,
so no personal flaws.
641
00:33:21,779 --> 00:33:23,257
I'm a person.
642
00:33:23,258 --> 00:33:25,136
With respect, Waldo's more than you.
643
00:33:25,137 --> 00:33:28,778
He's a team, and you're open
about that, which is fantastic.
644
00:33:28,779 --> 00:33:30,737
The honesty thing works.
645
00:33:30,738 --> 00:33:35,017
Waldo is a construct
people not just accept but embrace.
646
00:33:35,018 --> 00:33:36,938
At the moment he's anti-politics,
647
00:33:36,939 --> 00:33:40,017
which is a political stance itself,
right?
648
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:42,936
But he could deliver any brand
of political content,
649
00:33:42,937 --> 00:33:45,816
minus the potential downsides
of a human messenger.
650
00:33:45,817 --> 00:33:49,696
In a debate, your team could Google
every word the other guy says,
651
00:33:49,697 --> 00:33:51,696
then let Waldo hit him
with debunk stats
652
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:54,898
and spit a Twitter-ready
zinger into the next sentence.
653
00:33:54,899 --> 00:33:57,217
He's the perfect assassin.
654
00:33:57,218 --> 00:33:58,938
We won't win, though.
655
00:34:02,658 --> 00:34:04,657
You guys are so British.
656
00:34:04,658 --> 00:34:08,776
No, of course he won't win. You
started out too coarse off the bat.
657
00:34:08,777 --> 00:34:11,978
There's no substantial basis
to what you offer, and the whole
658
00:34:11,979 --> 00:34:16,377
nihilist "democracy sucks" thing,
yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo,
659
00:34:16,378 --> 00:34:20,857
but with a targeted, hopeful
message, which we can provide,
660
00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:24,056
energising the disenfranchised
without spooking the middle
661
00:34:24,057 --> 00:34:28,538
via your new platform... You got
a global political-entertainment
662
00:34:28,539 --> 00:34:31,058
product people actually want.
663
00:34:32,578 --> 00:34:34,418
You could roll this out worldwide.
664
00:34:34,419 --> 00:34:36,337
Like Pringles.
665
00:34:36,338 --> 00:34:37,738
Absolutely.
666
00:34:42,578 --> 00:34:46,177
It's, er... It's interesting stuff
though.
667
00:34:46,178 --> 00:34:47,976
When you're done with Stentonford,
668
00:34:47,977 --> 00:34:50,578
there may be an opportunity
in South America.
669
00:34:50,579 --> 00:34:52,217
Se puede hablar espanol?
670
00:34:52,218 --> 00:34:54,657
Vivi en Madrid tres anos.
671
00:34:54,658 --> 00:34:56,498
Excelente.
672
00:35:15,458 --> 00:35:16,578
What?
673
00:35:17,978 --> 00:35:19,537
He's not coming.
674
00:35:19,538 --> 00:35:22,137
But he's the party leader!
675
00:35:22,138 --> 00:35:23,258
It's too toxic.
676
00:35:26,858 --> 00:35:29,256
Meanwhile,
as support for Gwendolyn Harris
677
00:35:29,257 --> 00:35:30,536
appears to be dwindling,
678
00:35:30,537 --> 00:35:34,416
Labour denies the party is losing
faith in their young candidate.
679
00:35:34,417 --> 00:35:37,098
But Miss Harris spent most of
the day locked in crisis talks
680
00:35:37,099 --> 00:35:38,338
at party headqu...
681
00:35:42,018 --> 00:35:46,298
In the Stentonford by-election,
Waldo the cartoon bear continues...
682
00:35:47,538 --> 00:35:50,016
Did you see Gwendolyn Harris
yesterday?
683
00:35:50,017 --> 00:35:52,098
She looks like she's been poisoned.
684
00:35:52,099 --> 00:35:54,497
Because he's gonna overtake her.
685
00:35:54,498 --> 00:35:55,896
We're still way ahead.
686
00:35:55,897 --> 00:35:59,218
If that thing is the main opposition
then the whole system looks absurd.
687
00:36:01,898 --> 00:36:04,377
Which it may well be.
688
00:36:04,378 --> 00:36:05,898
But it built these roads.
689
00:36:14,018 --> 00:36:15,858
Just come in, Roy.
690
00:36:22,098 --> 00:36:23,858
I'm sorry, OK?
691
00:36:25,338 --> 00:36:27,776
It was wrong to speak to you
like that and...
692
00:36:27,777 --> 00:36:30,218
After the campaign,
I would've called you.
693
00:36:31,378 --> 00:36:33,337
After the campaign!
694
00:36:33,338 --> 00:36:35,498
All you've done
is strengthen Monroe.
695
00:36:36,618 --> 00:36:40,456
You won't win either, but I was
at least attempting to represent...
696
00:36:40,457 --> 00:36:43,416
Well I don't know!
Not just "bollocks to everything".
697
00:36:43,417 --> 00:36:46,096
If you were preaching revolution,
well that'd be something,
698
00:36:46,097 --> 00:36:49,178
but you're not because that would
require courage and a mindset.
699
00:36:50,418 --> 00:36:51,818
And what have you got?
700
00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:54,578
Who are you?
701
00:36:56,018 --> 00:36:57,618
What are you for?
702
00:37:04,578 --> 00:37:05,858
Morning.
703
00:37:15,778 --> 00:37:17,657
So, final push.
704
00:37:17,658 --> 00:37:19,296
You remind everyone
that's got the app
705
00:37:19,297 --> 00:37:23,098
that if they recommend it to a friend
it unlocks a little fez for Waldo.
706
00:37:23,099 --> 00:37:24,178
We're here.
707
00:37:27,058 --> 00:37:29,377
Attention, shoppers.
708
00:37:29,378 --> 00:37:32,778
I'm here to ask you an important
favour. Gather round.
709
00:37:32,779 --> 00:37:34,938
Come over here and listen.
710
00:37:37,458 --> 00:37:40,577
Don't vote for me. I'm an insult.
711
00:37:40,578 --> 00:37:41,977
Seriously.
712
00:37:41,978 --> 00:37:45,137
Vote for Monroe or Harris
or, I dunno, UKIP,
713
00:37:45,138 --> 00:37:47,017
or even that Lib Dem guy.
714
00:37:47,018 --> 00:37:48,617
He's a prick!
715
00:37:48,618 --> 00:37:52,296
Seriously, only an arsehole
would actually vote for me.
716
00:37:52,297 --> 00:37:53,456
What is this? Irony?
717
00:37:53,457 --> 00:37:55,176
I'm worse than a wasted vote.
718
00:37:55,177 --> 00:37:56,896
He's from the Harris campaign.
719
00:37:56,897 --> 00:37:59,176
I mean it, you idiots!
Don't vote for me!
720
00:37:59,177 --> 00:38:01,378
Don't vote for me!
Don't vote for me!
721
00:38:01,379 --> 00:38:03,297
Don't vote for me!
722
00:38:03,298 --> 00:38:04,978
Don't vmmmf!
723
00:38:07,338 --> 00:38:08,497
Shut up.
724
00:38:08,498 --> 00:38:10,456
No. Don't boo him,
he's right! He's right!
725
00:38:10,457 --> 00:38:11,618
What are you doing?
726
00:38:11,619 --> 00:38:13,138
- Resigning.
- Jamie!
727
00:38:14,738 --> 00:38:16,537
Look! It's me, I'm Waldo.
728
00:38:16,538 --> 00:38:19,697
This guy, whoever this guy is,
he's a hero.
729
00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:22,096
You should throw stuff at Waldo,
he's bad bloody news.
730
00:38:22,097 --> 00:38:23,456
- He's funny!
- He's not.
731
00:38:23,457 --> 00:38:26,016
Don't listen to that man,
he's a lesbian. Ahh!
732
00:38:26,017 --> 00:38:29,616
So remember, the polls are open,
and if you've got my app, you can
733
00:38:29,617 --> 00:38:32,978
unlock new stuff like catchphrases
and a little hat 'n' that.
734
00:38:32,979 --> 00:38:37,377
Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me
so question the status quo!
735
00:38:37,378 --> 00:38:38,617
Kill it! Kill it!
736
00:38:38,618 --> 00:38:40,497
Kick them where it hurts.
737
00:38:40,498 --> 00:38:43,176
The first man to hit him
gets 500 quid!
738
00:38:43,177 --> 00:38:46,618
Yeah, that's right. Knock him down.
Knock him down.
739
00:38:46,619 --> 00:38:48,057
Smash it!
740
00:38:48,058 --> 00:38:50,217
Yeah! Yeah!
741
00:38:50,218 --> 00:38:54,578
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah...
742
00:39:03,858 --> 00:39:05,136
I, the undersigned,
743
00:39:05,137 --> 00:39:07,256
being the returning
officer for the Stentonford
744
00:39:07,257 --> 00:39:10,936
and Hersham constituency, hereby
give notice that the total number
745
00:39:10,937 --> 00:39:14,378
of votes recorded for each candidate
at the election is as follows.
746
00:39:15,578 --> 00:39:19,377
Finch, Simon Arthur.
Liberal Democrats.
747
00:39:19,378 --> 00:39:21,538
2,449.
748
00:39:24,738 --> 00:39:28,137
Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour.
749
00:39:28,138 --> 00:39:30,418
11,237.
750
00:39:34,018 --> 00:39:38,297
Monroe, Liam George Tennyson.
Conservative.
751
00:39:38,298 --> 00:39:40,738
19,161.
752
00:39:47,418 --> 00:39:49,498
Waldo, Independent.
753
00:39:52,858 --> 00:39:55,458
16,784.
754
00:39:59,138 --> 00:40:03,256
Ladies... Ladies and gentlemen,
please! I declare that Liam Monroe
755
00:40:03,257 --> 00:40:06,178
is duly elected member of Parliament
for the constituency.
756
00:40:08,418 --> 00:40:10,817
Hey, hey! Everyone!
757
00:40:10,818 --> 00:40:13,298
500 quid to anyone
who can lob a shoe!
758
00:40:43,738 --> 00:40:46,017
Up you get, come on.
759
00:40:46,018 --> 00:40:47,298
Come on!
760
00:40:56,178 --> 00:40:57,858
Come on. Out you go.
761
00:41:54,258 --> 00:41:55,618
Oi!
762
00:41:56,978 --> 00:41:58,218
Agh!
763
00:42:25,746 --> 00:43:09,867
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