1
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Previously on The Last Man on Earth

2
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There's another person on Earth!

3
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I know. I know.

4
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Hello, ladies.

5
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What's gotten into you?

6
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I'm so horny, Phil. The only man

7
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left on the face of the
Earth and he's married.

8
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(thunder rumbling)

9
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(vehicle approaching)

10
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(engine revving)

11
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(engine revving)

12
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CAROL: And then he said,
"Have you ever heard the phrase

13
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"'I wouldn't have sex with you

14
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if you were the last person on Earth'?"

15
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And then two days later
somebody changed his tune.

16
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Didn't you, you little tunesmith?

17
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Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. God...

18
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That's really...

19
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Romantic? Yeah.

20
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Melissa, I am so happy you're here.

21
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Me, too.

22
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Me, too. It's so nice to have

23
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- a girlfriend to talk to.
- I'm not only

24
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your girlfriend. I will be your BFF.

25
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You have no choice.

26
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Girlfriends!

27
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- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-oh.

28
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I need a refresher.

29
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Should I get another bottle?

30
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PHIL: For sure. For sure.

31
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Take off and... Yeah.

32
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Okay, okay. Why not?

33
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We're having fun.

34
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Yeah. Hey,

35
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you know what, I had such
a great time last night.

36
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Oh, God. I'm so embarrassed.

37
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Oh, my God. I-I don't
remember you saying anything

38
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you should be embarrassed about.

39
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No, I did. I mean, I said I was...

40
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You were horny. Yeah, I-I remember.

41
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(chuckles)

42
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Well, I was drunk

43
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- and feeling s...
- Well, but, I mean, not that drunk.

44
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We were both drinking.

45
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- Neither of us...
- I was drunk

46
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- and feeling sad for myself.
- Were you? Okay.

47
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You didn't tell Carol, did you?

48
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No. No way.

49
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Hey, you and I can have
our own little secrets, huh?

50
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Okay, good. I just wouldn't
want her to get the wrong idea.

51
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Yeah, we wouldn't want that. And I know

52
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you guys have a weird situation
with your marriage and all,

53
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but... Yes, very weird.
And I actually wanted

54
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- to talk to you about that.
- But I think

55
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it's really great that you're going for it,

56
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- and I really respect you for that.
- Well, thank you.

57
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- But going for it might be a little...
- Phil, just take the compliment.

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You're one of the good guys.

59
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Yeah. You care about your marriage.

60
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Obviously.

61
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And I love that.

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Because I got cheated on.

63
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Cheaters can go to hell.

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Okay. Prosecco delivery.

65
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Here you go, lady.

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Mmm.

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Okay.

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One last glass.

69
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To girlfriends.

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- To girlfriends.
- Cheers.

71
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Cheers.

72
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Wow.

73
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Uh-oh.

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This Prosecco's making me frisky.

75
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Wink, wink. Frisky for sex.

76
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Come on, Phil.

77
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When duty calls, huh?

78
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Committed to this marriage.
Wink, wink. (chuckles)

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You guys have fun.

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(Carol sighs) PHIL: <i>Carol, I-I think</i>

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we might have to cut down on
the public displays of affection

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- for a bit.
- What? Why?

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I'm proud that you're my husband,

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and I want to revel in it.

85
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Yeah, but, hey, hey, think about Melissa.

86
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I mean, how would you
feel if you had to watch

87
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Melissa and I make out all the time?

88
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Would you be okay with that?

89
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I mean...

90
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would you be okay with that?

91
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No.

92
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Okay. That's what I thought.

93
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So...

94
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should we get to it?

95
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Carol, are you sure

96
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we're not rushing into this whole...

97
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- "having a baby" thing?
- No.

98
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Phil, this is the most
important thing we can do

99
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- for the world.
- I know.

100
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We need to make babies for
the human race to survive.

101
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As many babies as possible.

102
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PHIL: <i>We need to have as many
babies</i> <i>as possible.</i>

103
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Those were Carol's exact
words. And then it hit me.

104
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Okay.

105
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Now let's say that, Kevin,

106
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you're having a baby with Antawn.

107
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Okay?

108
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This gum is your baby.

109
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Congratulations. Now, this whole

110
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repopulation thing grinds to
a halt until that baby is born.

111
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Unless...

112
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unless Kevin also impregnates

113
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Trevor.

114
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There you go. You're gonna be a great dad.

115
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Anyway, don't you see?

116
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As many babies as possible

117
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means there have to be two
balls pregnant at any given time.

118
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So therefore... And
this is the whole reason

119
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I brought you here, listen up...

120
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I should be impregnating
both Carol and Melissa

121
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for the good of humanity.

122
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Ah. But how do I get them on board?

123
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I got to play this real careful.

124
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Nothing crazy.

125
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(knocking) Hey, neighbor.

126
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Hey. How was last night?

127
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Great. Great. Just doing our civic duty.

128
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Uh, speaking of which,
you're generally in favor

129
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of saving the human race, right?

130
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Of course.

131
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That's good to know. Good to know.

132
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- So did you need something or...
- Oh, yeah.

133
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Uh, just came by to get
your read on these pants.

134
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What do you think?

135
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They're good. Good pants.

136
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Yeah? Yeah? But isn't there
some kind of weird rule

137
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that you're not supposed to
wear white after Labor Day?

138
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Or some restrictive rule like that?

139
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Yeah, but I think you're fine.

140
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So just... shirk that
rule? Just chuck it out?

141
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I won't tell anyone if you don't.

142
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Good. Good.

143
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Good. Is that all?

144
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I-I'm kind of busy.

145
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No, not yet. 'Cause I was just thinking,

146
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how crazy is it that there
was a time when Rosa Parks

147
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couldn't sit on a bus wherever
she wanted to, you know?

148
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And then just one day

149
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she just said, like, "No.

150
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No way. I'm gonna sit wherever I want to."

151
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You know? Hey, to Rosa Parks

152
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and everyone like her
who believes in change.

153
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(clicks tongue)

154
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So would it be safe to say
that, leaving this conversation,

155
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I would not be crazy to describe
you as an open-minded person

156
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who believes in change

157
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and is generally in favor of repopulation?

158
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Yeah.

159
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I'm the exact same way.

160
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Enjoy that corn.

161
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(crying): Carol! Carol! Are you here?!

162
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(normally): Carol?

163
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Phil?

164
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(crying): Oh, Carol!

165
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What's going on? Are you okay?

166
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No, Carol! No, I'm not okay!

167
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Calm down. Calm down. Just have a seat

168
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and tell me what's going on, Phil.

169
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Just sit down. Just calm
down. What am I gonna do?

170
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Calm down. Just use your words.

171
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(steadying breaths)

172
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Okay, so I was just going
about my day, you know,

173
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thinking about how we might've made a baby

174
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and how freakin' excited I am about it.

175
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You know, w-we both know how important

176
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- repopulation is.
- Of course. Of course.

177
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And then I just had the worst thought.

178
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(sobbing): Carol, I
don't know what to do...

179
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(sobbing)

180
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Shh...

181
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Just calm down.

182
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Just use your words. You got this.

183
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I just had a moment of sickening clarity,

184
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and I just was forced to ask myself

185
00:07:02,457 --> 00:07:06,260
a question that no future parent
should deserve to ask themself.

186
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(sighs) What question?

187
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Carol, do you want our babies

188
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to have sex with each other?

189
00:07:14,669 --> 00:07:16,503
No, Phil!

190
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- No.
- (sobbing): I know! I don't either!

191
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But how else can the human
race go on beyond our kids?!

192
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:28,215
Okay. Shh. Okay. We can get through this.

193
00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:30,551
We'll figure it out. (sniffles) No.

194
00:07:30,552 --> 00:07:32,686
I don't think we can figure this out.

195
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There's only one solution.

196
00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:38,225
Oh, you found a solution?
Well, that's great.

197
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Not great.

198
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Why?

199
00:07:41,229 --> 00:07:43,430
The solution is the hardest part.

200
00:07:43,431 --> 00:07:45,199
Why?

201
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,867
Because...

202
00:07:46,868 --> 00:07:50,871
(sobbing): I'm gonna have
to have sex with Melissa!

203
00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:52,406
(sobbing)

204
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:57,578
(continues sobbing)

205
00:07:57,579 --> 00:08:00,147
Wah, wah, wah, wah...

206
00:08:02,158 --> 00:08:05,326
(whimpering)

207
00:08:05,327 --> 00:08:07,162
You want to have sex with Melissa?!

208
00:08:07,163 --> 00:08:10,765
No, I don't want to have
sex with Melissa. Ew.

209
00:08:10,766 --> 00:08:13,334
I<i> have</i> to have sex with Melissa.

210
00:08:13,335 --> 00:08:15,904
- Phil, this hurts my ears.
- Carol,

211
00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:18,640
it hurts my lips to say it.

212
00:08:18,641 --> 00:08:20,708
But our backs are against the wall here.

213
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,110
I mean, like you said,

214
00:08:22,111 --> 00:08:24,479
this Earth needs as
many babies as possible.

215
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,981
But I meant Phil and Carol babies.

216
00:08:26,982 --> 00:08:30,185
Carol, we cannot put
our babies in a situation

217
00:08:30,186 --> 00:08:32,020
where they have to have
sex with each other.

218
00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:35,023
Our babies need other
babies to have sex with.

219
00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:37,358
I mean, that's just Parenting 101.

220
00:08:37,359 --> 00:08:40,695
Oh, God. Okay, okay.

221
00:08:40,696 --> 00:08:43,965
Maybe I do need to think about this.

222
00:08:48,204 --> 00:08:49,704
That's my Care Bear.

223
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,373
Be strong.

224
00:08:52,374 --> 00:08:53,875
We'll be strong together.

225
00:08:53,876 --> 00:08:57,145
Now, you take as much time
as you need to think about it.

226
00:08:57,146 --> 00:08:59,013
But I'll leave you with this...

227
00:09:00,483 --> 00:09:02,317
Do you want...

228
00:09:02,318 --> 00:09:04,252
our babies...

229
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,689
to have sex...

230
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:09,691
with each other?

231
00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:13,394
I vote no.

232
00:09:13,395 --> 00:09:15,663
And Melissa does, too.

233
00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:17,866
Wait, you already talked
to Melissa about this?

234
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:20,802
(chuckling): No.

235
00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:22,904
What? Well, then how do
you know what she thinks?

236
00:09:22,905 --> 00:09:24,939
You know, just picking up
little things here and there.

237
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,407
- Like what, though?
- Just, like,

238
00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:27,876
she's generally open to change

239
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,878
and in favor of repopulation

240
00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:32,080
- and she's been horny.
- What?!

241
00:09:32,081 --> 00:09:34,782
No, Carol, she's not talking
about being horny about me.

242
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,751
It's more of a general horniness, you know?

243
00:09:36,752 --> 00:09:38,153
- Horny at the world.
- Phil,

244
00:09:38,154 --> 00:09:40,155
you're the last man on
the face of the Earth.

245
00:09:40,156 --> 00:09:42,724
- About whom else would she be speaking?
- I don't know.

246
00:09:42,725 --> 00:09:44,726
She could be talking
about anyone, you know?

247
00:09:44,727 --> 00:09:46,761
I-I'm trying to do
what's best for the Earth.

248
00:09:46,762 --> 00:09:48,630
You know, you're being crazy here.

249
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,532
I am not. You're being a skunk!

250
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:51,799
You take that back.

251
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,268
No, you're a skunk, Phil!

252
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:55,537
You're just... skunkin' around,

253
00:09:55,538 --> 00:09:57,939
just getting busy with
one lady and then, oh,

254
00:09:57,940 --> 00:09:59,274
skunkin' on down the road,

255
00:09:59,275 --> 00:10:01,209
just trying to get busy with the next!

256
00:10:01,210 --> 00:10:05,630
- What? (scoffs)
- P.U.! Your tail stinks!

257
00:10:05,631 --> 00:10:06,881
- Get out of here, you skunk!
- What?

258
00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:09,150
- We are done here!
- But... but...

259
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:13,621
And great job fixing my door, you skunk!

260
00:10:18,194 --> 00:10:20,462
Hey. What's going on?

261
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:21,663
What the hell did you tell Carol?

262
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,598
What? Nothing. What?

263
00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:25,667
Oh, so she just came over and ripped
me a new one for the hell of it?

264
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,335
I honestly don't know
what you're talking about.

265
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,971
(stammers) Fill me in.
What-What's going on?

266
00:10:29,972 --> 00:10:31,840
She said something
about me stealing her man

267
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,308
and something about, if I'm horny,

268
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:34,943
I should go to a hardware store.

269
00:10:34,944 --> 00:10:37,479
Well, that's bizarre.

270
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,214
Did you tell her I told you I was horny?

271
00:10:39,215 --> 00:10:40,615
Trying to remember the conversation.

272
00:10:40,616 --> 00:10:43,151
Did that come up? Did I
tell her you were horny?

273
00:10:43,152 --> 00:10:44,052
You are such a dick!

274
00:10:44,053 --> 00:10:47,188
- What? Wha...? What?
- Look, you married her.

275
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,357
It may have been under crazy
circumstances, but you did it,

276
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:51,326
and you have no right to drag me into this.

277
00:10:51,327 --> 00:10:53,194
I know. I don't. I'm so sorry.

278
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:55,697
Look, and-and I'll be honest,
it's just coming back to me.

279
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:56,865
I did say that.

280
00:10:56,866 --> 00:10:59,901
I told her you were horny.
I... It was a textbook slip.

281
00:10:59,902 --> 00:11:01,102
Well, thanks a lot.

282
00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:02,670
She was my one chance
at having a girlfriend,

283
00:11:02,671 --> 00:11:04,005
and now she hates me.

284
00:11:04,006 --> 00:11:07,008
You had a chance to have
another girlfriend right here.

285
00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:09,644
Sure, I'm a guy, but I honestly, I...

286
00:11:09,645 --> 00:11:12,147
I swear I never meant to
come between you and Carol.

287
00:11:12,148 --> 00:11:13,314
Well, it's too late.

288
00:11:13,315 --> 00:11:15,517
- The damage is done.
- Then, let's

289
00:11:15,518 --> 00:11:17,752
start repairing the damage.
You want to get some lunch?

290
00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:21,656
(sighs)

291
00:11:23,692 --> 00:11:25,727
Well, they both think I'm a skunk now.

292
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,696
Got to get back on track
here, got to do something.

293
00:11:28,697 --> 00:11:30,532
Think, think, think, you damn skunk.

294
00:11:33,202 --> 00:11:34,636
(lively music playing)

295
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,273
(over bullhorn): All right, ladies,

296
00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:40,441
this skunk has obviously offended you,

297
00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:43,344
and now it's time for
you to turn the tables.

298
00:11:43,345 --> 00:11:45,513
Come on, look, we shouldn't be fighting.

299
00:11:45,514 --> 00:11:48,216
We should be having fun.

300
00:11:48,217 --> 00:11:51,052
I mean, you can't stay mad at me forever.

301
00:11:51,053 --> 00:11:53,221
I'm the last man on Earth.

302
00:11:53,222 --> 00:11:55,223
(engine revving)

303
00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:08,112
Let's get this party started, huh?

304
00:12:08,113 --> 00:12:10,214
Come on out here and dunk the guy

305
00:12:10,215 --> 00:12:12,150
that angered two great people

306
00:12:12,151 --> 00:12:15,286
who did not agree with
his, granted, solid logic,

307
00:12:15,287 --> 00:12:16,854
but that doesn't matter.

308
00:12:16,855 --> 00:12:18,523
'Cause now you can dunk him.

309
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:19,958
Did you see the sign?

310
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:22,660
It's time to dunk, dunk, dunk...

311
00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:28,499
Oh, looks like we got a
slightly faulty seat here.

312
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,536
Just gonna reset that like so.

313
00:12:32,571 --> 00:12:34,706
We are GTG. We are good to go.

314
00:12:34,707 --> 00:12:36,140
(laughs)

315
00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:39,377
When that bronco bucks you off,

316
00:12:39,378 --> 00:12:41,379
you just get right back in the saddle...

317
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:47,252
Yeah, definitely hurt my foot there.

318
00:12:47,253 --> 00:12:49,420
Yeah, there's some blood in the tank.

319
00:12:49,421 --> 00:12:51,289
Careful. Wet T-shirt contest.

320
00:12:51,290 --> 00:12:52,523
(laughs)

321
00:12:53,826 --> 00:12:55,426
Aw, damn it!

322
00:12:55,427 --> 00:12:58,696
I'm getting back on.

323
00:12:58,697 --> 00:13:00,798
It's really fun. You guys, it's really fun.

324
00:13:00,799 --> 00:13:02,634
Uh, I can't even oversell you on this.

325
00:13:02,635 --> 00:13:04,369
Ah, ah, here comes Melissa.

326
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,404
Looks like someone's
ready to blow off a little

327
00:13:06,405 --> 00:13:09,407
steam and dunk... that... skunk!

328
00:13:09,408 --> 00:13:11,075
Ah, the seat held this time.

329
00:13:15,214 --> 00:13:17,715
Melissa, you don't want
to have some fun? Huh?

330
00:13:17,716 --> 00:13:19,951
Just heading to Carol's,
huh? Cool, cool, cool.

331
00:13:19,952 --> 00:13:23,454
Carol? Knock, knock.

332
00:13:23,455 --> 00:13:25,924
Well, look who it is.

333
00:13:25,925 --> 00:13:28,426
You're here to talk about your horniness?

334
00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:30,628
Carol, the only thing I'm
horny for is your friendship.

335
00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:31,729
That's not what Phil says.

336
00:13:31,730 --> 00:13:33,765
Well, Phil is an ass.

337
00:13:33,766 --> 00:13:34,866
Is that Prosecco?

338
00:13:34,867 --> 00:13:35,900
Yeah.

339
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:37,101
Look, this is really silly.

340
00:13:37,102 --> 00:13:38,703
Can we just call a truce?

341
00:13:38,704 --> 00:13:40,538
The last women on Earth can't be fighting.

342
00:13:42,541 --> 00:13:44,909
Get in here.

343
00:13:48,547 --> 00:13:49,847
Three hours in.

344
00:13:49,848 --> 00:13:51,549
I am very, very cold.

345
00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:53,251
But who's complaining, huh?

346
00:13:53,252 --> 00:13:55,453
Still a great night under the stars.

347
00:13:55,454 --> 00:13:57,589
(music distorts and stops)

348
00:13:57,590 --> 00:13:59,591
Okay, looks like we lost the power there.

349
00:13:59,592 --> 00:14:01,426
(laughs) But, you know, who cares?

350
00:14:01,427 --> 00:14:03,661
It's still a rockin' party.

351
00:14:06,098 --> 00:14:10,568
Why are you guys being like this?!

352
00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:14,172
Trying to freakin' make amends here!

353
00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:16,274
Put a lot of work into this!

354
00:14:16,275 --> 00:14:19,277
And I didn't do it for
me. I did it for you!

355
00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:22,313
Just rude.

356
00:14:22,314 --> 00:14:25,283
Where I come from, when somebody
tried to make amends with you,

357
00:14:25,284 --> 00:14:27,785
you at least acknowledged them!

358
00:14:27,786 --> 00:14:31,189
So disrespectful!

359
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,424
Oh, hey, you guys. You
ready to have some fun?

360
00:14:33,425 --> 00:14:34,993
You want me to jump back in there?

361
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:37,228
We need to talk.

362
00:14:43,202 --> 00:14:45,136
Guys,

363
00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:47,338
look, I already said I'm sorry.

364
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:49,173
I feel terrible.

365
00:14:49,174 --> 00:14:51,142
Although I do believe my logic is sound.

366
00:14:51,143 --> 00:14:53,745
Phil,

367
00:14:53,746 --> 00:14:55,980
we think...

368
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:58,983
that you should repopulate
with Melissa as well.

369
00:15:02,254 --> 00:15:04,255
This a trick?

370
00:15:04,256 --> 00:15:06,624
It feels like a trick. Is it a trick?

371
00:15:06,625 --> 00:15:07,892
What's happening?

372
00:15:07,893 --> 00:15:10,795
Melissa and I had a long talk.

373
00:15:10,796 --> 00:15:14,165
I just realized how important
it is to have friends,

374
00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:16,935
and I want my babies to have friends, too.

375
00:15:16,936 --> 00:15:18,803
Also, I don't want my babies

376
00:15:18,804 --> 00:15:20,905
to have to have sex with each other.

377
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:23,808
And you're okay with this?

378
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:25,209
I'm sitting here.

379
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,712
Well, I'm gonna have to think about it.

380
00:15:27,713 --> 00:15:29,647
My answer is yes, so
you want to say nowish?

381
00:15:29,648 --> 00:15:31,249
Not so fast, Phil.

382
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,651
This is for repopulation
purposes only, so there are

383
00:15:33,652 --> 00:15:35,053
- going to be rules.
- Mm-hmm.

384
00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:37,155
One... you can only have sex with Melissa

385
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:38,690
three days each month.

386
00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:39,490
Three days?!

387
00:15:39,491 --> 00:15:40,592
But that's not...

388
00:15:40,593 --> 00:15:42,093
Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no.

389
00:15:42,094 --> 00:15:43,428
Three is great. Three is great.

390
00:15:43,429 --> 00:15:44,829
During those three days,

391
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:47,232
sex can occur a maximum
of three times per day.

392
00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,601
But, mathematically,

393
00:15:49,602 --> 00:15:51,436
if each session is eight hours long...

394
00:15:51,437 --> 00:15:53,204
CAROL: Okay, Phil, I would tread lightly,

395
00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:54,706
'cause you are walking real close

396
00:15:54,707 --> 00:15:56,140
to skunk territory right now.

397
00:15:56,141 --> 00:15:57,275
Watch it!

398
00:15:57,276 --> 00:15:59,244
Just trying to get the rules down.

399
00:15:59,245 --> 00:16:03,014
With-with much respect, continue.

400
00:16:03,015 --> 00:16:04,883
(sighs)

401
00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:06,818
Once Melissa is pregnant,

402
00:16:06,819 --> 00:16:09,420
no more physical contact of any kind.

403
00:16:09,421 --> 00:16:10,889
And that includes sex?

404
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,056
Yes.

405
00:16:13,592 --> 00:16:15,093
Phil, do you understand the rules?

406
00:16:15,094 --> 00:16:17,595
Not only do I understand them.

407
00:16:17,596 --> 00:16:19,564
I appreciate them.

408
00:16:19,565 --> 00:16:21,933
'Cause this is a job we have to do.

409
00:16:21,934 --> 00:16:24,068
Now, if you ladies will excuse me...

410
00:16:41,987 --> 00:16:43,855
Aah! Thank you! Thank you!

411
00:16:43,856 --> 00:16:45,857
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

412
00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:50,987
Phil?

413
00:16:53,857 --> 00:16:55,858
Today's the day!

414
00:16:55,859 --> 00:16:58,127
Time to procreate with Melissa.

415
00:16:59,163 --> 00:17:01,230
Oh, that's today?

416
00:17:01,231 --> 00:17:04,133
Here. This is called G.O.R.A.P.

417
00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:06,369
It stands for "good old
raisins and peanuts."

418
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:09,138
Some people call it "gorp,"
but that's incorrect,

419
00:17:09,139 --> 00:17:11,007
because they're forgetting about the "and."

420
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:12,542
It's not a sexy food.

421
00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:13,910
It's just for energy.

422
00:17:13,911 --> 00:17:15,378
Great.

423
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:16,679
Well, you smell clean.

424
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,781
I suppose you washed your
genitals real nice for her?

425
00:17:18,782 --> 00:17:21,050
- Carol, come on.
- Phil.

426
00:17:21,051 --> 00:17:22,785
Yes, I did.

427
00:17:22,786 --> 00:17:24,821
Good. Don't embarrass us.

428
00:17:26,156 --> 00:17:28,224
Also, your sex with Melissa

429
00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:31,594
should be vigorous but not fun,

430
00:17:31,595 --> 00:17:34,697
thorough but not sexy.

431
00:17:34,698 --> 00:17:36,566
Save the fun stuff for your wife.

432
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:38,668
Care Bear, relax, okay?

433
00:17:38,669 --> 00:17:40,703
This is a job to me.

434
00:17:40,704 --> 00:17:43,539
I'm just gonna punch in and punch out.

435
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,875
Punch in and punch out.

436
00:17:45,876 --> 00:17:49,178
Punch in, punch out.

437
00:17:49,179 --> 00:17:51,614
Then I'm gonna come home to my wife.

438
00:17:54,218 --> 00:17:56,219
(sighs heavily)

439
00:17:57,888 --> 00:17:59,889
Punch in and punch out.

440
00:17:59,890 --> 00:18:01,024
Okay.

441
00:18:04,061 --> 00:18:06,396
Godspeed.

442
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:12,568
(engine revving)

443
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:25,415
Ah.

444
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:27,884
(laughs) This is...

445
00:18:27,885 --> 00:18:29,919
- Whoa...
- I know.

446
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:34,590
Dark chocolates for my lady.

447
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,594
"Ignite the spank"?
No, no. It says "spark."

448
00:18:37,595 --> 00:18:39,862
"Ignite the spark." Looks like
it says "Ignite the spank."

449
00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:41,798
Shh...

450
00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:43,700
Just relax and chew.

451
00:18:43,701 --> 00:18:45,468
Relax and chew.

452
00:18:45,469 --> 00:18:46,703
You likey?

453
00:18:46,704 --> 00:18:49,138
What's wrong?

454
00:18:49,139 --> 00:18:52,575
This is all so... romantic.

455
00:18:52,576 --> 00:18:55,445
I know. I thought this
was just going to be about,

456
00:18:55,446 --> 00:18:57,313
you know, the stuff Carol said.

457
00:18:57,314 --> 00:19:00,984
Repopulation, our duty to mankind.

458
00:19:00,985 --> 00:19:02,051
Are you not into it?

459
00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:03,386
Oh, I'm into it.

460
00:19:03,387 --> 00:19:05,088
I haven't been with a man in a long time.

461
00:19:05,089 --> 00:19:06,589
I just feel guilty about Carol.

462
00:19:06,590 --> 00:19:08,981
So, let's just cut the BS and get to it.

463
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,794
I mean, if the lady wants to cut the
BS and get into it, I'm gonna...

464
00:19:11,795 --> 00:19:13,263
- Thank you.
- Ooh!

465
00:19:13,264 --> 00:19:15,131
Oh, wait, wait.

466
00:19:15,132 --> 00:19:16,332
I just have one more thing.

467
00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:18,001
Phil, come on. No.

468
00:19:18,002 --> 00:19:20,436
You're gonna love this. I-I
just want tonight to be special.

469
00:19:20,437 --> 00:19:22,472
- It already is!
- Trust me. You'll see.

470
00:19:22,473 --> 00:19:24,507
You'll see.

471
00:19:24,508 --> 00:19:27,443
Oh, God, please don't play
me a song on the guitar.

472
00:19:27,444 --> 00:19:31,514
Okay. Well, then, how about I just do this?

473
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:33,416
(plays note)

474
00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:34,918
(squealing)

475
00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:38,254
(laughs)

476
00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:39,622
Amazing.

477
00:19:39,623 --> 00:19:40,790
Now get back here.

478
00:19:40,791 --> 00:19:42,292
Hang on. Patience!

479
00:19:42,293 --> 00:19:43,493
I got one more.

480
00:19:43,494 --> 00:19:46,062
(plays note, squealing)

481
00:19:48,165 --> 00:19:50,233
(engine revving, tires squealing)

482
00:19:54,672 --> 00:19:56,673
(engine revving, tires squealing)

483
00:20:07,451 --> 00:20:09,786
Now it's time for the real fireworks.

484
00:20:09,787 --> 00:20:11,554
And it's gonna be all finale.

485
00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:13,323
Phil, did you shave your chest?

486
00:20:13,324 --> 00:20:16,626
Sure did. Did you shave yours?

487
00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:18,528
JK. No. But I did.

488
00:20:18,529 --> 00:20:20,396
Can we just do this?

489
00:20:20,397 --> 00:20:22,665
Just want to tell you one last thing.

490
00:20:22,666 --> 00:20:24,367
From the moment...

491
00:20:24,368 --> 00:20:26,469
I met you...

492
00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:28,938
- I couldn't...
- (engine revving)

493
00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:30,373
Do you hear something?

494
00:20:31,809 --> 00:20:33,710
Damn it, Carol!

495
00:20:33,711 --> 00:20:35,378
(engine revving)

496
00:20:35,379 --> 00:20:37,547
Oh, my God.

497
00:20:50,661 --> 00:20:52,095
Hey.

498
00:20:54,531 --> 00:20:56,599
I'm Todd.

499
00:20:57,366 --> 00:21:00,517
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -

