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Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...
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Phil's been missing for about
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- 24 hours.
- (yelling)
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This guy belong to you?
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- Oh, my God.
- That guy's handsome.
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- I like you.
- Yeah, but you don't love me.
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I'm Phil, Phil Miller.
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No, I'm Phil Miller.
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Maybe you should both go
by your middle names.
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- Phil, what's your middle name?
- Tandy.
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Tandy? PHIL: Carol?
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Do you like this guy? You jealous?
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Of course not.
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Good night... Tandy.
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PHIL 2 (laughing): Wow.
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I'm blown away.
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So, why's it living up here now?
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(laughs) Phil.
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So new, so naive.
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She wandered up here on her own.
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And any real cattleman knows
that a cow can't go down stairs.
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Shoot, you can make a cow
do just about anything
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if you show her who's boss.
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Hyah! Hyah! Get! Get! Get!
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- (cow moos)
- (gasps)
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She's going down the stairs!
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- What?
- Wow!
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Well, all it takes is a firm slap
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and an authoritative tone, you can make
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a cow do whatever you want.
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Doesn't just work on cows, hon.
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(both laugh)
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Come on, let's go after her.
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- Okay.
- Go ahead.
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Thank you so much, Phil.
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That was amazing.
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Oh, you're welcome.
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(under his breath): Friggin' Phil.
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Friggin' Phil.
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- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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What's all this?
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Oh, Phil built it for the cow.
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Isn't it nice?
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Oh, yeah, I'm sure she loves it, you know.
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She provides milk to us and in return,
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we thank her by locking her
up like Charles Manson.
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So, uh... how was your little trip
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over to see Phil last night?
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Ooh! Someone's jealous!
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(laughs) Carol, please.
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It's me... the Tandyman.
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I'm not the jealous type.
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(laughs) Admit it!
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You're afraid that the new buck in town
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is gonna spray all over your turf.
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(scoffs) Carol, look around you!
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Every inch of this place is already covered
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in layers and layers of Tandy Miller spray.
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You see it, I've doused it.
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And he knows that.
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Well, I think Phil's gonna
be a very positive addition
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- to our community.
- Eh...
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He said he's even gonna
clean out the garbage pool.
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So, what... then we just
have an empty pool?
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Where we gonna put all our garbage?
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I'm sure he has a plan.
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Why don't you ask him?
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Maybe I'll do that. Where is he?
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He's over at Frick and Frack's house.
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They asked him to help fix
their broken generator.
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(sputters) Oldest trick in the book.
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Maybe I ought to go lend a
hand on fixing that generator.
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(beeping)
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Yeah, I can't find anything
wrong with this thing.
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It seems to be working just fine.
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Well, that's weird,
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because it was making this horrible,
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- horrible sound.
- Yeah.
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- It was like Hong...
- Hong clang.
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- Hong clang, Hong clang.
- Hong clang, yeah.
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- Just a real gumbo of sounds.
- CAROL: Hello!
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Did someone call for a
generator repair backup?
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Because the Tandyman is in the hizzy.
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In the house.
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No need, Tandy. Phil already fixed it.
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I didn't do anything.
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Great. Well, let me just
double-check his work.
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Okay, let's see what we got here.
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- Hey, Carol.
- Oh, hi.
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Thanks so much for the pie.
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- Oh. (laughs)
- You know, I haven't had
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fresh food in two years.
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Oh, you know, if it's
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food you're after, I can make you
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a real home-cooked meal.
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'Cause I used to be a chef.
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Oh, wow.
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But nothing too fancy.
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I'm a simple guy.
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Oh, I am... I'm a simple girl.
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- So we have that in common.
- Yeah.
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Not as simple as me, though.
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They used to call me Simple Gail.
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Oh.
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Don't sell yourself short, Gail.
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You're an incredibly complex woman.
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No, no. I'm not.
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So, Phil...
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Uh, so where you gonna live?
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I don't know. I...
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I haven't found anything yet.
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Well, you know, uh, this
cul-de-sac's pretty full,
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but there are a lot of great
houses on the outskirts of town.
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Phoenix is beautiful, too.
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Oh, nonsense! You could just stay here.
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We have plenty of room here.
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So, so much room.
You should move in with us.
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- Well...
- You know, now that you got
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the gall-dang cow out of my house,
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I'm all alone... and divorced.
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So I have plenty of room.
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Yeah, um...
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Got yourself a real
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Sophie's Choice here, Phil.
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But I got a housing option
that might just help you, huh?
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Bro it the hell out!
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Move in with me, huh?
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A little bachelor pad action.
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We got the weight bench.
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We can spot each other.
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Well, uh, let me, um... (clears his throat)
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Don't you want to be my friend?
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Come on, choose this Sophie.
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- Sure, yeah. Let's do it.
- Hmm?
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Yeah, do it, yeah. Uh...
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(laughs) Okay.
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- Ah... yeah.
- Yeah!
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Great. Thanks, ladies.
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Broken generator.
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(scoffs) Nice try.
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What's all this?
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Hey!
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Hey! Look at this, huh?
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You got a class B commercial
license to operate this thing?
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I do.
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I-I was just kidding, but...
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good for you.
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I picked this up to handle
the garbage pool situation.
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You-you need any help or...?
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Nah, we're good.
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"We"?
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Take it easy, Tom.
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It's Todd.
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All right, Tom.
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- It's Todd!
- (Melissa whoops)
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Faster!
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Hey, Todd!
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(Melissa whoops)
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Frickin' Phil.
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There you are.
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Tandy. Hey.
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Hey.
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Trust you've had a chance
to take a look around, huh?
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- I did. Yeah. To...
- Good, good.
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Obviously, mi casa es su casa.
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That goes without saying.
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Uh, if you ever want to
have any guests over,
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just run it by me... standard stuff.
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Anyway, toilet paper's under the sink.
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Got about a million
toothbrushes under there, too.
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- All different sizes.
- Uh-huh.
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I'm a large to extra-large.
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Wait, what the heck is that?
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Oh, you know, riding around
in the garbage truck
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sort of inspired me to build this.
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- Oh.
- The flash heater
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connects to the water reservoir.
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I jacked up the water pressure.
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Basically, it feels like a shower.
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Oh. (laughs)
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Good for you. All right.
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I'm gonna... I'm gonna take a shower.
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(funky music playing)
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(clears his throat)
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Can you excuse me?
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I'm gonna jump in the shower now.
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Right now.
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Oh, yeah. Of course.
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You okay?
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Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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- (grunting)
- (rock song playing)
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Five... six!
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All right.
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So, hey, what do you guys think?
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Huh? And be honest.
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This is a good body, right?
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I mean, I don't have that
weird V thing that he does
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that kind of points your
eyes down to your business.
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But these snakes can bite, huh?
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Oh, speaking of snakes...
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what do you think of this bad boy?
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Huh? It's fine, right?
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I know it's not gonna win any penis awards.
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But there aren't penis awards.
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So, whatever, you know?
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And the thing is, as with many Ferraris,
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the real show is on the back end.
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Not bad, huh?
209
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Hey, who does this guy think he is, huh?
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He's taken my name.
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He's stealing all my chores.
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And-and now, just stripping down
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in front of me, in my own house?
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He's trying to establish dominance.
215
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That's a statement move right there.
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And I have to respond in kind.
217
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(whispering): You got this! You look good!
You got a fine bod!
218
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You can do this! You can do this!
219
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Ha!
220
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Phil...
221
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What are you doing, Tandy?
222
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:47,503
Ah, you know, uh, just going
about my customary business
223
00:07:47,504 --> 00:07:48,587
in my own house.
224
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Huh, why don't you go put some clothes on?
225
00:07:50,423 --> 00:07:53,192
(scoffs) Well, isn't that the
pot calling the kettle black...
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Or, uh... African-American.
227
00:07:54,728 --> 00:07:56,061
Or, uh... American.
228
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What are you trying to say?
229
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(laughs) Well, you took
off your shirt yesterday.
230
00:08:01,034 --> 00:08:03,235
And now suddenly being
shirtless is a crime?
231
00:08:03,236 --> 00:08:04,970
I was about to take a shower.
232
00:08:04,971 --> 00:08:06,272
Well, I was about to take a shower, too.
233
00:08:06,273 --> 00:08:07,706
That's what I came to tell you.
234
00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:08,741
So, we're even.
235
00:08:08,742 --> 00:08:10,376
Well, now-now I know.
236
00:08:10,377 --> 00:08:12,111
- Now you know.
- Now I know.
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Now you know! Ha!
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ERICA: Hey, guys!
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Hey... Oh, my God!
240
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(laughs)
241
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Erica, g'day!
242
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G'day!
243
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I'm sorry, if I'd known you were coming,
244
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I would've tucked it in.
245
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Oh, I kind of thought you already did.
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(laughs) As if.
247
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I know you didn't think that.
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But I love that old Australian sass.
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Well...
250
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uh, I will get out of your hair.
251
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And your bald head, uh...
252
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Oh, look! The U.S. Constitution.
253
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Been meaning to frame that.
254
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We the people! (laughs)
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(knocking on door)
256
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- Hey.
- Hey.
257
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You have a good time with the garbage man?
258
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(clicks tongue) Todd, come on.
259
00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:52,351
Oh, what? It's a simple question.
260
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Riding on the back of that truck,
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wind in your hair, hooting and hollering.
262
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Looked like you were having a great time.
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- I was just helping Phil.
- Oh, yeah?
264
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And I've always wanted to ride
on the back of a garbage truck.
265
00:09:02,562 --> 00:09:04,897
Don't...
266
00:09:04,898 --> 00:09:06,932
hang out with him.
267
00:09:06,933 --> 00:09:08,601
What?!
268
00:09:08,602 --> 00:09:10,269
If this relationship is gonna work,
269
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:13,139
you can't hang out with him.
270
00:09:13,140 --> 00:09:15,307
I...
271
00:09:15,308 --> 00:09:17,309
I forbid it.
272
00:09:17,310 --> 00:09:20,212
Todd, this has got to stop.
273
00:09:20,213 --> 00:09:22,214
Look, I've had a really
nice time with you and I...
274
00:09:22,215 --> 00:09:23,516
Whoa! You know what?
275
00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:25,451
I know how that sentence is gonna end.
276
00:09:25,452 --> 00:09:27,386
And I'll beat you to it.
277
00:09:27,387 --> 00:09:28,654
We're done, Melissa.
278
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,856
I dump you, okay?
279
00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:33,092
That's not what I was going to say.
280
00:09:33,093 --> 00:09:35,628
But... fine.
281
00:09:35,629 --> 00:09:37,229
- Bye, Todd.
- No, wait! What...?
282
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:39,098
What were you gonna say?
283
00:09:39,099 --> 00:09:41,300
What were you gonna say?!
284
00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:43,369
(Phil 2 grunting)
285
00:09:43,370 --> 00:09:44,403
- ERICA: Almost.
- PHIL 2: Come on!
286
00:09:44,404 --> 00:09:46,705
- Almost.
- Yup, right there!
287
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:48,240
- Knock, knock?
- (chuckles)
288
00:09:48,241 --> 00:09:49,475
Hey.
289
00:09:49,476 --> 00:09:50,810
What's going on here?
290
00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:52,978
Phil and I are just trying to
get this icemaker working.
291
00:09:52,979 --> 00:09:54,980
Well...
292
00:09:54,981 --> 00:09:57,717
I don't mean to interrupt.
I just wanted to bring you
293
00:09:57,718 --> 00:09:59,485
these hush puppies I made you.
294
00:09:59,486 --> 00:10:01,287
Simple food.
295
00:10:01,288 --> 00:10:02,822
Much appreciated.
296
00:10:02,823 --> 00:10:04,557
See, it's funny how sweaty you can get
297
00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:07,026
working on an ice machine.
298
00:10:07,027 --> 00:10:08,461
(all laughing)
299
00:10:08,462 --> 00:10:09,962
That's funny.
300
00:10:12,199 --> 00:10:13,532
Yeah, well,
301
00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:15,034
if you ladies will excuse me,
302
00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:16,502
I'm gonna go take a hot shower.
303
00:10:16,503 --> 00:10:17,536
CAROL: What?
304
00:10:17,537 --> 00:10:19,505
You figured out how to get hot showers?
305
00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:21,073
I sure did.
306
00:10:21,074 --> 00:10:23,175
Y'all are welcome to use
it anytime you want to.
307
00:10:23,176 --> 00:10:25,344
Well, I might just take
you up on that offer
308
00:10:25,345 --> 00:10:29,014
'cause I am very, very dirty.
309
00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:31,217
Okay. Yeah, sure.
310
00:10:31,218 --> 00:10:33,686
What's, what's that, Carol?
311
00:10:33,687 --> 00:10:37,957
Oh, just a dumb scarf I made you.
312
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:39,925
It gets drafty in this house.
313
00:10:39,926 --> 00:10:41,060
For me?
314
00:10:41,061 --> 00:10:42,728
Let me see... that's not dumb.
315
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,697
It's beautiful, look at that.
316
00:10:44,698 --> 00:10:46,866
What a set of crafty hands you got.
317
00:10:46,867 --> 00:10:48,000
(chuckles)
318
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:49,135
Wow.
319
00:10:49,136 --> 00:10:51,871
Speaking of crafty hands,
what's that there?
320
00:10:51,872 --> 00:10:53,139
Are those little kitties?
321
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:54,407
Yeah.
322
00:10:54,408 --> 00:10:55,941
I'm a cat man, myself.
323
00:10:55,942 --> 00:10:57,777
- Love cats.
- So cute.
324
00:10:57,778 --> 00:10:58,844
Yeah.
325
00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,179
(clears throat)
326
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,914
Thanks for the scarf.
327
00:11:05,519 --> 00:11:07,520
Well played, Carol.
328
00:11:07,521 --> 00:11:09,121
Well played.
329
00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:14,527
So now I see that exposing
my genitals to Phil
330
00:11:14,528 --> 00:11:16,429
was just a massive misfire.
331
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:18,264
Well, how could you have known?
332
00:11:18,265 --> 00:11:20,700
So, uh, what'd you want
to talk to me about, bud?
333
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:22,702
Oh, nothing, other than
blowing the best thing
334
00:11:22,703 --> 00:11:24,036
that ever happened to me.
335
00:11:24,037 --> 00:11:26,372
Melissa and I broke up
less than three hours ago,
336
00:11:26,373 --> 00:11:28,374
and I'm already in a kind of free fall.
337
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:30,109
Don't know where the bottom is...
338
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,744
cow.
339
00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:33,446
Hey, Todd, hey, hey.
340
00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:36,449
Don't put this on yourself.
This is all Phil's fault, okay?
341
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:38,250
You're good, you're fine, all right?
342
00:11:38,251 --> 00:11:39,452
Look at you.
343
00:11:39,453 --> 00:11:41,087
You look like a million bucks.
344
00:11:41,088 --> 00:11:42,254
Ah, thanks, man.
345
00:11:44,024 --> 00:11:45,558
Hey, do you think I'm being paranoid,
346
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:47,893
or do you think Phil really
wants to sleep with Melissa?
347
00:11:47,894 --> 00:11:49,729
Todd, don't worry.
348
00:11:50,831 --> 00:11:52,498
He definitely wants to sleep with Melissa.
349
00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:53,632
And everyone else here.
350
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:55,835
Hell, I'm not even sure the cow's safe.
351
00:11:55,836 --> 00:11:58,070
And I'm sorry you had to hear that, girl.
352
00:11:59,106 --> 00:12:01,273
He's a monster.
353
00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:05,378
Attention, everyone.
354
00:12:05,379 --> 00:12:08,147
Here's some trash talk
that I can get behind.
355
00:12:08,148 --> 00:12:10,316
The garbage pool is clean.
356
00:12:10,317 --> 00:12:12,651
Thanks to Phil.
357
00:12:12,652 --> 00:12:15,588
And that definitely doesn't stink.
358
00:12:15,589 --> 00:12:16,689
(laughs)
359
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:18,024
I see what you did there.
360
00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,125
Thank you.
361
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:20,459
PHIL 2: That was cute.
362
00:12:25,132 --> 00:12:26,932
Bravo.
363
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:28,167
Thanks, Tandy.
364
00:12:28,168 --> 00:12:30,903
No, I really mean it.
I never questioned that.
365
00:12:30,904 --> 00:12:32,938
Good, 'cause it was unquestionable.
366
00:12:34,274 --> 00:12:36,042
Do you have a problem with me?
367
00:12:36,043 --> 00:12:37,910
- No, I don't.
- 'Cause it seems like you do.
368
00:12:37,911 --> 00:12:39,679
Well, maybe that's 'cause I do.
369
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,414
What's your problem with me?
370
00:12:41,415 --> 00:12:44,617
Oh, you friggin' come in here
and try to impress everybody
371
00:12:44,618 --> 00:12:46,285
with all your skills that pay the bills.
372
00:12:46,286 --> 00:12:48,154
But deep down, you're jealous.
373
00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:50,256
Jellin' so hard right now.
374
00:12:50,257 --> 00:12:52,091
I got no beef with you, Tandy.
375
00:12:52,092 --> 00:12:55,695
That's President Tandy to you.
376
00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,630
Okay, I think we've had enough
of this president crap.
377
00:12:57,631 --> 00:13:00,433
Oh, so you think the American
system of government is crap.
378
00:13:00,434 --> 00:13:02,468
No, I think the fact that you
think you're president is crap.
379
00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:03,869
ERICA: And we didn't even get to vote.
380
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,204
It's not fair.
381
00:13:05,205 --> 00:13:07,173
TANDY: Yes, it is, and even if it wasn't,
382
00:13:07,174 --> 00:13:08,841
none of you seem to be interested
383
00:13:08,842 --> 00:13:10,176
in the responsibility.
384
00:13:10,177 --> 00:13:12,812
So unless any of you want
to get off your butts
385
00:13:12,813 --> 00:13:14,480
and throw your hats in the ring,
386
00:13:14,481 --> 00:13:16,282
looks like you're stuck with little old me.
387
00:13:16,283 --> 00:13:17,316
(chuckles)
388
00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:18,951
Well, I'd throw my hat in the ring.
389
00:13:18,952 --> 00:13:21,187
(stammers) You want to
be the president, huh?
390
00:13:21,188 --> 00:13:23,823
No, no, no, I just don't want
you to be the president.
391
00:13:23,824 --> 00:13:26,158
(laughs)
392
00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:27,493
Well, great.
393
00:13:27,494 --> 00:13:30,096
Well, the next vote is
in-in four years, so...
394
00:13:30,097 --> 00:13:31,664
I say we revote right now.
395
00:13:31,665 --> 00:13:32,999
(stammers)
396
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,734
Well, I would like to give a speech.
397
00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:36,736
No speeches, all in favor
of Phil being president,
398
00:13:36,737 --> 00:13:38,070
raise your hand.
399
00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:43,009
Carol.
400
00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:45,645
Well, looks like we have a new president.
401
00:13:45,646 --> 00:13:46,946
(clears throat)
402
00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:56,563
Eech!
403
00:13:56,564 --> 00:13:57,564
PHIL 2 (laughing): Oh, no, no.
404
00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:58,565
I don't have anything to say.
405
00:13:58,566 --> 00:14:02,102
Well, I-I guess I should ask.
406
00:14:02,103 --> 00:14:04,738
Why did you guys choose to live in Tucson?
407
00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:07,040
I mean, no offense, but in this new world,
408
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:09,643
Tucson is pretty much the worst
place to sustain human life.
409
00:14:09,644 --> 00:14:11,979
Hey, Tucson is my hometown,
410
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:14,948
and I will not hear it
be slandered like that.
411
00:14:14,949 --> 00:14:16,950
Wonderful universities, great zoo;
412
00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:18,618
multiple periodicals have named it
413
00:14:18,619 --> 00:14:20,287
one of the top ten places to retire.
414
00:14:20,288 --> 00:14:23,190
- Okay.
- Multiple periodicals, not just one.
415
00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:26,609
- Don't get me wrong...
- We're here, Mr. President,
416
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,527
because Tandy, here, had
the good sense to put up
417
00:14:29,528 --> 00:14:31,355
those "Alive in Tucson" signs,
418
00:14:31,356 --> 00:14:33,600
so we should all be thanking him.
419
00:14:34,903 --> 00:14:36,570
All right, no disrespect to Tucson,
420
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,672
- but I'm talking about farming.
- Yes.
421
00:14:38,673 --> 00:14:40,841
- Growing fresh foods.
- Fantastic.
422
00:14:40,842 --> 00:14:43,210
- PHIL 2: Water.
- CAROL: That's what I've been saying.
423
00:14:43,211 --> 00:14:44,545
That's why I planted my own garden,
424
00:14:44,546 --> 00:14:45,812
but it's just not enough.
425
00:14:45,813 --> 00:14:47,814
Uh, thanks a lot, Mr. President.
426
00:14:47,815 --> 00:14:50,117
Or should I say "Mr. Spoiler Alert"?
427
00:14:50,118 --> 00:14:51,418
What are you talking about, Tandy?
428
00:14:51,419 --> 00:14:54,788
My surprise, which this
guy just spoil-alerted.
429
00:14:55,857 --> 00:14:57,190
I've made us a farm,
430
00:14:57,191 --> 00:14:59,159
a viable, sustainable, working farm.
431
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,160
I did that.
432
00:15:00,161 --> 00:15:01,662
Nope. No, you didn't.
433
00:15:01,663 --> 00:15:03,330
Uh, I sure did, Melissa.
434
00:15:03,331 --> 00:15:05,832
Uh, I found some good
forgivable Tucson land,
435
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,135
and I plowed it, I raked it, I tilled it,
436
00:15:08,136 --> 00:15:10,571
I sewed it, I farmed it.
437
00:15:10,572 --> 00:15:12,239
And that was gonna be a big
surprise come harvest,
438
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,907
till this guy ruined it.
439
00:15:13,908 --> 00:15:15,209
With his big mouth.
440
00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:17,277
Can we take a look at it, your farm?
441
00:15:17,278 --> 00:15:19,346
(scoffs) Yeah, let's go.
442
00:15:19,347 --> 00:15:20,848
- Let-let's do it.
- Let's go right now.
443
00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:22,349
- Let's go right now.
- Right... Oh, shoot.
444
00:15:22,350 --> 00:15:24,384
Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.
445
00:15:24,385 --> 00:15:26,119
It's late, and, uh, you know,
446
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,789
dark and cold... The
plants are, uh, resting.
447
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:29,990
What about first thing in the morning?
448
00:15:31,025 --> 00:15:32,359
First thing in the morning...
449
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,461
as early as we can do it, yeah.
450
00:15:34,462 --> 00:15:35,796
Good.
451
00:15:35,797 --> 00:15:37,464
First thing come morn,
452
00:15:37,465 --> 00:15:41,468
we'll go see... my farm.
453
00:15:45,306 --> 00:15:46,640
Come on.
454
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,308
Come on, be a tractor.
455
00:15:48,309 --> 00:15:50,143
Be a tractor for me.
456
00:15:50,144 --> 00:15:51,745
I need some kind of key or...?
457
00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:53,714
Oh, something happened.
458
00:15:53,715 --> 00:15:56,250
Oh! Oh!
459
00:15:56,251 --> 00:15:58,252
Nothing.
460
00:15:58,253 --> 00:15:59,386
Damn it.
461
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:00,721
(sighs)
462
00:16:00,722 --> 00:16:02,055
Come on...!
463
00:16:02,056 --> 00:16:04,458
(shouts in frustration)
464
00:16:07,795 --> 00:16:09,396
You know what they say.
465
00:16:09,397 --> 00:16:11,565
Bros before hoes.
466
00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:13,500
Boom. I still got it.
467
00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:15,169
(whoops)
468
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:32,986
(shouts)
469
00:16:32,987 --> 00:16:34,521
(laughs)
470
00:16:34,522 --> 00:16:36,089
(whoops)
471
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,091
TANDY: Cock a doodle doo!
472
00:16:38,092 --> 00:16:40,761
Tandy Farms is open for business!
473
00:16:40,762 --> 00:16:43,897
- Who wants to go see a genuine farm...?
- TODD: Tandy... Tandy.
474
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:46,099
Todd, what's the matter?
475
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,469
It's Phil, new Phil.
476
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,803
What happened? What did he do?
477
00:16:49,804 --> 00:16:51,004
He had sex with them.
478
00:16:51,005 --> 00:16:52,706
Sex with who?
479
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,808
All of 'em.
480
00:16:54,809 --> 00:16:57,311
He had sex with all of 'em!
481
00:16:58,346 --> 00:17:01,482
(weeping): Oh, Tandy...!
482
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:08,624
Carol, I cannot believe you.
483
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,727
Have you no morals?
484
00:17:10,728 --> 00:17:11,894
What are you talking about?
485
00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:13,563
Oh, you know what I'm talking about.
486
00:17:13,564 --> 00:17:15,898
Hey, uh, Carol, where are the other two?
487
00:17:15,899 --> 00:17:18,234
Oh, they headed home, but
they say "thank you."
488
00:17:18,235 --> 00:17:20,470
We all had a wonderful time.
489
00:17:20,471 --> 00:17:21,871
MELISSA: Oh, my God.
490
00:17:21,872 --> 00:17:23,639
That was amazing.
491
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,908
What is happening here?!
492
00:17:25,909 --> 00:17:27,210
So you ready to go check out your farm?
493
00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:30,146
Haven't you done enough
plowing for one day?
494
00:17:30,147 --> 00:17:32,856
- I can't believe I got to take a shower.
- Yeah.
495
00:17:32,857 --> 00:17:34,050
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
496
00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,918
A shower.
497
00:17:35,919 --> 00:17:37,086
(scoffs)
498
00:17:37,087 --> 00:17:38,588
Oh, my God... private individual showers.
499
00:17:38,589 --> 00:17:39,789
That's all you were doing?
500
00:17:40,991 --> 00:17:42,325
Nobody else. No... (stammers)
501
00:17:42,326 --> 00:17:43,993
Like, s-same-sex showers.
502
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:45,328
One person at a time.
503
00:17:45,329 --> 00:17:47,297
You were nowhere there to be, uh, seen?
504
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,966
Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
505
00:17:49,967 --> 00:17:51,301
This is all making sense to me.
506
00:17:51,302 --> 00:17:52,835
Made sense to me,
that's what I thought.
507
00:17:52,836 --> 00:17:55,538
You know, just Todd had
said that you had all done,
508
00:17:55,539 --> 00:17:56,739
uh, something else.
509
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:59,742
Well, Todd's been wrong about
a lot of stuff lately.
510
00:17:59,743 --> 00:18:01,144
Bye.
511
00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:04,180
So... farm.
512
00:18:04,181 --> 00:18:05,248
Yeah.
513
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:06,616
- Let's go.
- Yeah, sure.
514
00:18:07,851 --> 00:18:09,919
PHIL: Just friends taking showers,
515
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,922
individually, toweling off on their own,
516
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:15,658
coming out, joining each other
once they're fully clothed.
517
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:19,595
Nice job, Tandy, this
is a really good start.
518
00:18:19,596 --> 00:18:20,797
So what'd you plant?
519
00:18:20,798 --> 00:18:23,099
Ah, you know... the necessities.
520
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,202
Everything from, uh, fruits to veggies.
521
00:18:26,203 --> 00:18:27,937
Good work.
522
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:29,505
Yeah.
523
00:18:29,506 --> 00:18:32,508
Look, I'm sorry, uh,
things got a little tense
524
00:18:32,509 --> 00:18:33,977
between us this week.
525
00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:35,311
Uh, looking at what you did,
526
00:18:35,312 --> 00:18:37,313
I realize I may have been off base.
527
00:18:37,314 --> 00:18:38,815
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
528
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:42,018
Yeah... you're welcome.
529
00:18:42,019 --> 00:18:44,754
You know, I-I just want to say I feel like
530
00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:46,423
you caught me on a weird week.
531
00:18:46,424 --> 00:18:47,424
That's for sure.
532
00:18:47,425 --> 00:18:48,458
Yeah, when you showed up,
533
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:50,093
I kind of reared up on my haunches
534
00:18:50,094 --> 00:18:51,661
and let out a little warning roar.
535
00:18:51,662 --> 00:18:52,996
It's pure animal instinct.
536
00:18:52,997 --> 00:18:53,997
You feel me, Philbert?
537
00:18:53,998 --> 00:18:54,998
Oh, I feel you.
538
00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:56,332
Yeah.
539
00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:58,001
So we cool?
540
00:18:58,002 --> 00:18:59,335
We way cool.
541
00:18:59,336 --> 00:19:01,004
Mondo cool.
542
00:19:02,973 --> 00:19:04,307
(quietly imitates explosion)
543
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:07,644
TANDY: I wish you guys had
been there to see it.
544
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:09,979
He was so impressed with me.
545
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:12,315
I mean, we really reached an understanding.
546
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:15,318
And, sure, for a while, we
were like two alpha dogs
547
00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:17,320
baring our teeth, and peeing everywhere
548
00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:18,822
to mark our territory,
549
00:19:18,823 --> 00:19:20,123
but it came out a draw.
550
00:19:20,124 --> 00:19:22,659
As often happens in the animal kingdom.
551
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,127
Bottom line...
552
00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:25,795
(chuckles) He respects me.
553
00:19:25,796 --> 00:19:28,131
You know, he knows this is my land.
554
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:30,233
And he knows not to step on my turf.
555
00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:32,035
(knocking on door)
556
00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:34,137
Hello.
557
00:19:36,006 --> 00:19:37,340
You changed your nails up?
558
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:38,675
Different cats.
559
00:19:38,676 --> 00:19:39,976
I like it.
560
00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:41,411
(giggles)
561
00:19:41,412 --> 00:19:42,412
You noticed.
562
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:43,747
Yeah.
563
00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:45,448
Scarf looks good.
564
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:48,885
You noticed.
565
00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:56,826
Respect.
566
00:19:56,827 --> 00:19:59,496
This is Tandy Land, and he knows it.
567
00:19:59,497 --> 00:20:02,165
He smells the spray, he's
trying to tip-toe through it.
568
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:04,167
But it's all over his feet and legs.
569
00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:06,069
(chuckles) Poor guy.
570
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:08,171
Mmm, Phil.
571
00:20:08,172 --> 00:20:10,173
Oh, there you go, you big camper.
572
00:20:10,174 --> 00:20:12,175
Oh, now put the food in the bear box.
573
00:20:12,176 --> 00:20:13,610
The food's in the box, baby.
574
00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:15,578
Put it high up in the tree so
the bears can't get to it.
575
00:20:15,579 --> 00:20:17,380
It's in the tree, it's high up there.
576
00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:19,182
- Yeah, it is.
- Way out of reach.
577
00:20:19,183 --> 00:20:22,018
Put a log on the fire, get
those mosquitoes away, Phil!
578
00:20:22,019 --> 00:20:24,054
- Can't stand those damn mosquitoes!
- Get 'em out!
579
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:25,722
CAROL: Oh, Phil!
580
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,390
PHIL 2: I want a s'more right now!
581
00:20:27,391 --> 00:20:28,391
To Carol.
582
00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:30,060
To Carol.
583
00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:32,529
That luck B-word.
584
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:33,696
CAROL: Oh, I want chocolate.
585
00:20:33,697 --> 00:20:35,031
PHIL 2: What kind of chocolate do you want?
586
00:20:35,032 --> 00:20:36,633
I want the darkest chocolate!
The darkest chocolate!
587
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,968
CAROL: Yeah, Phil Miller!
588
00:20:38,969 --> 00:20:41,471
Oh...!
589
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:42,706
Oh, you've camped before.
590
00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,708
PHIL 2: I love camping...
591
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:47,043
(Carol and Phil 2 continue indistinctly)
592
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:55,919
We got to kill this guy.
593
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,107
I'm in.
594
00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:01,758
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